15:33PM.
Justin is so close to crawling its adorable he gets up on his hands and knees and just rocks back and forwards lol, on occasion he shuffles backwards but i think its more accidental than anything else bless him lol well either way he is most deffinately more mobile than last week.
I can't beleive how bad i've been with my blog recently i promise to make it up to you all with more posts this week, then again saying that i bet you're all happy as larry with less to read lol.
Either way i'll be blogging more this week hopefully, saying that i am uber busy this week, atleast i am tomorrow and wednesday which Mike dosn't seem to happy about, my phone won't let me ring out so i can't get in touch with him and even if i could his phone is broke but he rang me earlier from his house phone and didn't seem very happy about the fact that i can't see him tomorrow or wednesday.
Well, it isn't my fault.
Bless Justin he's trying to grab onto the charger cable for the laptop but this thing is so shitty as soon as you unplug that cable it turns off, well, within two mins anyway lol.
Bless him he's just rolling around the livingroom now with sebastian and a little heffalump that was supposed to be mine but somehow he ended up with it, lol.
His cheeks are red as hell and he's dribbling like a monster, mommy thinks there's another tooth coming through soon. :)
I was so ill on saturday, i didn't end up going to work i ended up staying at lou's and sleeping and vomiting all night, i felt so bad.
Hopefully i won't be in too much trouble next saturday... lol.
Justin's playing with his feet and yelling at mine bless him, he's so vocal recently can't seem to make any actual words out of it though other than dada which he's been saying for months anyway lol saying that i think i got a possible "ye" earlier but it was more than likely just gabbling...
I've borrowed a little princess from my dads today which is my all time absoloute favorite book, even though i say that about a million different books, it really is my all time favorite and it has been since like year 5-6 when we watched the film at school so me being the little geek i was decided to read the book, and then, being the little rebel i was stole it from the school library because i liked it... lmfao.
I need some kind of a diary so i can sort my life out in the social events way, i have one, but it is small and i dislike it and it dosn't even start until the end of june which i personally think is ridiculous, i want the "this diary will change your life" diary i saw it in borders the other week and its brilliant it gives you thing to do each day or week or something and well, i guess the point of it is to change your ife, it's all in good fun though, atleast i assume so as i found it in the humour section, there's no point getting it half way through the year though so i'm going to try and remember to buy it for myself at the end of the year for next year. :)
Justin is yet again playing with and yelling at my shoes, he has a strange obsession with shoes and feet, i wonder if that's normal lol, maybe he has his mommys interest in fashion... Or maybe he's just wondering why there's big grey fluffly things where my feet should be...
I think i might go for a walk in a bit, i don't know why or where to but there's naff all else to do so may not hey? I don't think i can actually be bothered though, i still don't feel to well from saturday if i'm honest, i haven't been sick or anything since saturday night but i've still got a terrible pounding headache, i should maybe go to the doctors though i think my headache most likely has something to do with stress and the fact that my glasses keep breaking, i need to go to the opti-give-you-glasses-place. I can't spell to save my life. but i need to go there. See what i mean, i need a diary for my life i really do, how upsetting is that?
Tomorrow i have youth council training 10-2 which i've been told i can bring Justin to because Kirsty hasn't had time to talk to any of the other members of staff to sort anything else out or whatever... In a way i'm looking forward to it because i'm looking forward to seeing Lou some place other than work and seing Georgie and Nicole and such but in other ways i'm dreading it because of the row me and Robyn had, hopefully she will just leave it and be civil about life, but somehow i don't think thats Robyns style, to be honest it isn't usually my style but there's a time and a place and youth council is not it.
Then after that i'm going to have to do my shopping and pay my bills because i would usually do it around ten and obviously i can't, unfortunately my shopping buddy (that being Ami) is in london for the week, so lets just say i'm not looking forward to it, saying that i don't actually need to buy that much this week, its the big box of nappies i need that worries me the most! lmao.
Note to self: Justin can't play catch.
Then after that hopefully me and Kirsty will be going to the contemporary dance class but at the moment we don't know what time it is and i don't know about and seriously doubt my abilities to get a babysitter... lol. But all i can do is hope... lol.
Note to self: Justin thinks he looks cute with mommys hand bag, despite it being bigger than him.
Then on wednesday i'm meeting my mom and then i have a key working session and then i'm meeting Tal for a starbucks... lol, life. Then i'm pretty sure i'm free on thursday except for the break/street dancing class at 7 and then friday i'm pretty sure i'm deffinately free and then saturday obviously i have work... :)
That will have all changed by tomorrow, i hope you realise that, my plans never ever ever work out, never ever. Hence why i rarely make them. Not long term anyway, i don't mind if i don't end up meeting someone until an hour or seven after we planned, but when life as a whole dosn't go to plan, now thats a bitch.
Can someone please explain to me how a not yet fully mobile baby somehow ends up from one side of the room to under the table in the time it takes me to write a small paragraph? Christ, i swear he must be crawling when i'm not looking, he's just taunting me i'll bet lol. Haha, i wrote bed then, i have sleep on the brain i seriously do lol.
Woo, don't stop the rock just came on, you know, the song from the cadburys advertisment with the scary as hell kids with the moving eyebrows and scratchy balloon thingy and stuff, eurgh, i hate that advert, i love the song though. :) I feel i may have to go make myself a cup of tea in a moment. :)
God, how is it that i had a shower this morning, and also a bath last night and it is not even four yet and i already smell like a fat old mans clevage after a day at the gym. :( that is NOT i repeat NOT attractive, fucking hell
Note to self: If you do decide to go for a walk, spray deodorent like hell and keep arms down at all times, no matter what!
I need a mirror, and some expensive makeup that wont make me break out in a horrible rash, that isn't me being retarded and deciding i want expensive makeup, it's just that anti allergy makeup shit is generally pretty god damn expensive. :( I could do with some straighters too for my fringe but i wont ask for too much, i don't want to bother buying any because i know somewhere at James' i have a pair perhaps even two pairs and also a hair dryer and also a load of music and dvd's that it don't seem like i am EVER going to get hold of.
I really don't want to phone the police about it because it just seems like a bit much just for a few cds and a hair dryer you know what i mean? But it is getting ridiculous now, i mean i've been gone like seven and a half months or something now, thats a bit long to be waiting for my stuff, expecially considering i've apparently already had all of it... It's ridiculous. I mean, whenever me and James have split up in the past, when he was at the flat with me and my mom, he always got his stuff within the week, usually within the day/hour and i never said no to him coming and getting it, i mean its his stuff he had a right to it. Why on earth is he making it so hard for me to get my stuff, i mean really for christ sakes, what am i supposed to do, would it be super hard for him to bring it down a little bit at a time when he picks the baba up or something? Thats not exactly going out of his way is it? \I meani'm happy to go totally out of my way and go pick it up directly from his house but he won't even agree to that, i managed to get him to make a plan once, a week or two ago and shock shock he canceled it. It's fucking ridiculous, to be honest though even if i did phone the poilice i wouldn't know what to say or how to go about anything or anything, i may get in touch with my daddy and get him to help, i really want my stuff, i'm pretty sure i have a couple of little mirrors as well, not like big ones but better than the teeny tiiny little compact hangbag mirror thing that i have hidden somewhere around the flat. lol.
Infact i'm going to drop my dad a text now because last i checked my phone was actually letting me do that, i hope to god it still is. lol.
About that tea, lol i'm off to make it and have a cigarette and play with Justin for a bit and then possibly go for a walk, i'll be back soon with whatever my dad texts back if he does and probably some more random ramblings just because. :) ttfn ly all.
29TH MAY 2009
09:25AM
I've been so busy, but, I FEEL GOOOOD. Lol i've woke up in such a good mood, which considering me and Kirsty and Dan and Mike had a drink last night is quite shocking, i was expecting to wake up with a hangover but instead i woke up happy as larry, always good. Saying that Yesterday i was so depressed i was depressing my nan lol. God it was so hot yesterday wasn't it? It got to the point where it was so hot that i was genuinely suicidal lol.
So yeah, i am blogging and smoking and listening to system of a down and putting off doing the washing and sorting out the clothes, but i will do it some time before 11 i swear! lol...
Mike's in bed bless him i'm being nice this morning and i've said i won't get him up until about 12-12:30.
How sweet is this, it probably wont sound sweet at all but i felt sick last night and Mike sat on the bathroom floor with me for ages... :) Isn't that lovely. :D
I think i'm going to need to start increasing Justin's food, but i don't know what to do really, i can give him an extra wheatabix (i dont think i can spell) in the morning i guess.
My mom came over on wednesday with my nan and grandad, was realy nice to see her, and she brought chocolate... :D Always good lol, and a cute top for Justin that says 100% trouble. So true. :)
And then i had funtimes in town with Tal and i brought the 6 word memoirs book which is amazing, i'm sure most people have heard of it but if not here we go...
It's this thing where you sum up your life in six words, basically anyway. Some of them are so funny it shouldn't be legal but some of them i could cry for hours, over six words, seriously, it's amazing, i shall give you an example...
"For sale: Baby shoes, never worn."
But the funny ones are mint too...
"Being a monk stunk, better gay."
Me and Tal have been doing them ever since, i'm not sure what mine would be today though, i've not long got up really so i can't say... hmmm...
"Hole in Justin's babygro, oh dear." :)
I might put a film on, i like films, i watch them too much nowdays i think, i watched love and sex the other day which is really really good, and then last night i watched shallow hal and bring it on, i like bring it on, eliza whats her name is so so fit and i have decided that one day i am going to marry her and she simply has no choice in the matter, poor girl.
Work tomorrow, i'm actually looking forward to it, i like work, but i don't want steve to be pissed at me because i didn't go in last week, i was really ill though, i mean i wanted to go in but i was physically forced to go to bed by Louisa and her mommy lol.
Wow, i'm actually quite tired, i don't know what time i went to bed i don't remember but i do know that Kirsty and Dan didn't leave until about half twelve, it was a wicked night though lol. Me and Kirsty are mad at Mike because we both want longer hair and Mikes hair is longer than both of ours lol, fail. I think i might save up, like seriously, and get extentions done proporly because i figure if i get them done proporly it will look okay even if i have got short hair and also by the time i've saved up to get them my hair will be long enough to, get them. lol. At the moment it is deffinately too short though which is a shame but i think i'm going to deffinately get some when i can, i'll be dying my hair though if i do.
Long and brown and curly is how i've decided i want my hair at the moment but i will probably change my mind at some point soon.
Oh gosh, for a baby that can't crawl yet Justin is very mobile lmao bless him he just kind of rolls and shimmys everywhere, he just somehow managed to get himself into the kitchen lol i had to jump up and grab him out, considering there's rubbish bags in there that need taking out, would not be good if he tipped one of those over himself now would it.
"Too much tidying to do, shame."
I can't wrk out if i'm hungry or not, i don't think i am, but i do want a drink or something. lol. What i really really want, is a nice hot bubble bath... :( I'll have to wait until Justin goes back to bed for that though, i might wait until Mikes up and see if i can convince him to come and sit with me while i bathe :) lol.
I'm so sure that i have something realy important to do today and i can't for the life of me think what it might be. damnit. Anyways i guess i really should go and atleast do the washing up, damnit, i REALLY don't want to, i want to go back to bed, you know when you're just tired and can't be bothered to be alive lol.
Not in a depressed way mind, i'm verrryy happpyyyyyy, just tired. :):)
Ttfn ly all. xxx
30TH MAY 2009
16:40PM.
This is just a quick blog because i'm being picked up for work soon but i thought i'd let you all know that i'm not really having a good time right now and i'm feeling pretty damn shit and i can't really seem to work out why. But maybe this wil help the people that i know (that actually bother to read this) to understand why i was being a bit of a twat yesterday and may possibly continue to be for a little while, i love you all i needn't name names but i'm just having a hard time.
So much so that i nearly fucked everything up with me and Mike yesterday, infact i don't know, i might have done, i pray to god i haven't but i guess if i have then it's my own fault and i'll just have to kick myself repeatedly and beg forgiveness lol.
I can't be bothered with work tonight but i figure atleast it's going to be something to take my mind of life... lol.
I tried to kill myself yesterday but you needent worry because i ran out of tablets. LOL
I wish that were a joke.
Anyway so yeah...
Don't worry though, i'm trying to fix things, i'm going to phone the doctors on monday from my dads or something though i don't really understand because it's too late to be post natal lol, perhaps i'm just ordinarily depressed i don't know, i'm just on a low this week or something? fuck knows... I haven't felt this bad for no reason, no apparent specific reason, for a long time.
Sooo, to keep myself up and running i have devised a list, that list being the 101 things to do before i die list, even though it is actually currently only 90 things, would you like to hear it? Well you have little choice, here goes...
Buy a pair of designer shoes
Actually manage to save a decent amount of money (i haven't worked out how much yet, probably enough for the shoes)
Get another poem published
Run a marathon
Learn to swim (anyone wanna offer to teach me?)
Send a message in a bottle
Trace my family tree
Go in a hot air balloon
Win a pub quiz
Ride on the worlds higest rollercoaster
Stand under a waterfall
Learn to dance
Plant a tree
Ride a camel
Learn another language
Get my protrait painted
Skydive
Swim with the dolphins (after having learnt to swim obviously)
Give up smoking
Go on holiday with a big group of friends
Visit... China, Greece, Germany, Egypt, Rome, Venice, Prauge, Canada, St petersburg... (This list is going to grow)
Make a documentry about something or other
Write a book
Learn to play tennis
Stay in a five star hotel
Go to brighton pride
Design make and wear an entire outfit
Be a good mom
Stop being so self concious
Grow my hair
Buy a house with a big garden
Dance naked in the rain (i've done it before but it's so god damn fun)
Spend the whole day in bed pigging out and watching films (as above)
Go white water rafting
& Rock climbing
& Absailing
Learn to play an intersument
Meet natalie portman
Start eating properly
Buy the expensive makeup and wear it
Learn to put false eyelashes on properly
Make a loaf of bread
Learn caligraphy
Make a difference in someones life
Do something for charity
Go on a plane
Learn to drive
Go to the theatre
Do the race for life
Drink cocktails on the beach
Meet hugh grant
Go fishing without getting squeamish (& without someone throwing maggots on me, yes it's happened every time)
Get over my fear of needles
& dogs
Get a really nice letter in the post
Go somewhere it is appropriate to wear a posh dress
Go to the spa
Go to a ball
Get all the tattoo's i want
Throw a black tie party
Read all the books i want to read (list coming shortly)
Go to uni
Make ice cream
Have a meaningful conversation uner the stars
Go camping with lots of friends
See nickeback live
Learn to ski
Join a gym and actually go
Have another baby
Go on a cruise
Get married properly
Go to a nudist beach
Get a decent natural tan
Go somewhere in a limo
Learn to cook properly
Stop worrying so much
Invent something that actually makes life a little easier
Go to a football game (even though i don't like football lolz)
Actually sort out all of my clothes & shoes
See the new star treck film because everyone is raving about it
Have a post secret party
Have a really cool fancy dress party
Learn to ride a bike
Fly a kite on the beach
Take Justin to tenby
Take Justin to the fair
Take Justin to legoland (because i didn't go when i was little)
& disneyland
Teach Justin to swim (so i simply HAVE to learn)
& to ride a bike
If anyone can think of anything else to add to my list, let me know, please. :)
There might not be much of an entry tomorrow because i'm going to Ami's again after work and then after that i will probably come home and sleep and then go to pick justin up but i might blog a bit at my dads seing as that is where i will be posting the blog anyway, god knows lol.
Oh and i thought you'd all like to know, i'm kind of getting into the whole facebook thing but obviously not having the internet at home i still can't use it often but i've been on it a bit at my dads, i still don't really get it though. haha.
Oh and a little message to Mike if he happens to read my blog this week, not that he ever does but i may have to tell him too... lol.
I love you and i'm sorry about being a twat yesterday, i get depressed and i get scared and push people away and i'm sorry, i love you, you make me happy & i don't know if you meant everything you were saying thursday night, espeically considering you'd had a few but either way it made me happy when you said it and if you meant it then it just makes me even happier, i meant what i asked, i don't want to be without you. :)
(& even if you don't read this i'll tell you when i see you anyway lol)
Woo, can't wait for post secrets tomorrow, anyway lou's on her way so i must depart, ily all. xx
31ST MAY 2009
12:56PM.
Do not ask me why i am awake, i have been since half ten, i went to Ami's after work so i didn't get in until about half six but i am somehow wide awake, i've half finished all my tidying up that i need to do i've had a shower and put on my fake tan and Kirstys just text me asking me to go on a diet with her and start exercising with her so i said ok and she said when so i said no time like the present and we're about to go for a jog lol. :)
Well, we were but Kirstys gone and got herself grounded lmao. Clever her, especially on such a nice day, poor thing.
Oh god i'll tell you about the trauma when i tried to have a shower earlier, i turned it on and went to hop in only to find a huge huge spider in the bath, it was huge and crawly and horrible so i cowered nude in the bathroom for half an hour and then i drowned it but i still wouldn't get in the shower because i thought it might come back to life and get me, i did in the end though obviously but it was horrendous lol.
I'm having my hair done with Lou and her mom n sister next saturday, i'm well excited and next sunday me and Lou are dragging Nathan to solihul carnival and i'm going to ask Mike if he wants to come with... lol. :)
Work last night dragged like hell, it was dead dead dead and the dj made me sad because he played entirely 90's dance instead of cheese and that was not fun no no not at all and some strange men kept telling me i was pretty and had amazing hair and storking it... strange people lol.
And i know you're all dying to know if i watched britans got talent and if i care who won, yes, and yes. I was convinced susan boyle would win, as was the rest of the country i'm sure but i'm SO glad diversity won, they were AMAZING though i was in love with stavros too and flawless lol. :)
I have a huge red spot on my chin and that is not good.
My dad might be taking me to asda a little bit later to buy a mirror which is damn cool because i'm desperate for one lol, obviously i'll be paying him back lol. Anyway i'm going to grab my fags and a bottle of water and get myself on up to Kirstys in the hopes that she's managed to convince her mom and dad to let her out but last i heard they were just ignoring her lol.
It's a shame to be stuck in in this weather, fuck am i going for a merry jog on my own though lmao, i'm wearing odd socks. :( tattybyes.
16:18pm.
Waiting for James to bring Justin back, went for a jog with Kirsty, went to see Tracie & Lianne & Jim & Alex and then to asda and now i am here. :) Checking post secrets and then i am off to go round Kirstys while i wait for James. :) ly all.
LOLLOLLOL
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