Sunday, 26 April 2009

Babylon, never forget the 90's


Cyndi lauper, peanut butter on toast and being nude, i love living alone. I woke up this morning with the WORLDS worst back ache i don't know how or what i've done how upsetting is that? Baby group yesterday was great, Justin just played with the toys and such and i had a chat with the people there it was great, again i was the youngest (except for the children clearly...) but if i'm honest i don't care. Zoie didn't come again, apparently Ami was upset or something but whatever fair enough, i actually didn't mind going alone. Then me and Kirsty went up town and i brought a new book so i'm pretty damn merry even though i've just got penut butter on my keypad! :( I have to go to rosie's at 7pm tomorrow to see Michelle about me maybe possibly (probably according to Louisa) getting a job... :) I am both overly excited and overly petrified... lol. Haha i wound Mike up yesterday morning because he stayed over the night before last and i spent the whole morning playing stupidly cheesy cheese like footloose and wake me up before you go go and mambo number five and such...:D Going to see Mike later i dunno when though he's going to text me when he's up lol anyway i'm going to go for a little while and give my flat a bit of a clean up because in all honesty it needs it this morning lol It's almost ten and Justin is still asleep, there's something unusual he's wake up at half past for his bottle though... bless him he's so perfect. :) oh and apparently... we don't have to take our clothes off to have a good time... we could dance and party all night and drink some cherry wine... What a bitch, i can't drink cherry wine, whore.

As predicted Justin woke up at half ten for his bottle and though he is still tired he isn't going to go to sleep for shit so i've got him up on his play mat and he is wiggling around ocassionally looking up and screaming dada but mainly he is just trying to sit up and play with the big giraffe at the end of his play mat. There's a ten week parenting course being done here starting next month that i'd like to do but you need to have a babysitter so i will have to see really, i have another cooking class at 3:30 next wednesday, i think i'm making some kind of fish pie or something, i don't really remember lol. HER NAME IS RIO AND SHE DANCES ON THE SAND!!!!! hehe. I'm having such a cheese obsession at the moment, i'm hoping Justin will go back to bed soon so i can have a shower and get dressed, i brought a really nice new skirt from primark yesterday and i want to wear it today but i'm worried it will be too cold because the only tights i have that arent ripped are those really thick ones, you know, that you used to wear to school when you were six? Well i like them, infact i love them and i have them in cream, white, grey and black because i'm that cool, the only problem being even if it is too cold to go bared legged it will still be too hot to wrap up in thick woollen tights... i have other tights mind but they're all laddered and ripped and such so really, i don't have other tights, damn it i may have to wear it over jeans or something, i have a pair of grey leggings and also a pair of blue tights oh and some red leggings and some black leggings, sadly none of these will go with my new skirt at all, not even a little bit, that really is kind of a shame. lol. My back is fucking kiling me, it really hurts, i can hardly carry Justin, like hardly at all it's horrendous!! I don't know whats wrong, to be honest though i wasn't very well last night and spend most of the night bent over the toilet seat so i guess it could be that? Gosh i really want a shower, did i tell you Fran (my support worker) made me throw my mirror away because it was broken but it was my only mirror and now i have to guess what my outfit looks like and if my arse is showing or if my tummy is sticking out because i have no mirror its okay when its dark because when it's dark i can use the windows but how many people don't get ready to go out until it gets dark, especially in the summer, saying that, a lot of people go out at night, thats generally the point of going out... but i have a baba and so that is not me and i need a mirror lol. I do not know what to do with life i want a cup of tea and i want a cigarette and i want to blog and i want to read my book and well, i do not know which i would rather do, well actually i'd rather have a shower but at this precice moment in tme Justin is far too busy being donald duck to go to bed lol. Awh me and Kirsty met this bloke in town yesterday and bless him he was so lovely he came up and started asking me about Justin like how old was he and such and then he was telling us how he loved kids but his girlfriend couldn't have kids because she had pcos (i think thats right) but that they were getting married next month and how Kirsty looked like a boss and she had very mature eyes and well he was just sweet bless him and he was saying that Justin looked like a mini version of phill from eastenders haha it was all very amusing much better than the bloke who asked Kirsty for a cigarette outside primark he was clearly only looking for a shag and was basicaly just a creep so me and Kirsty slipped easily into our old routine...
Him - "How old are you"
Kirsty - "12"
Him - "No your not, don't lie..." (things like that)
Me - "I swear to you mate she is twelve"
Him - "How would you know"
Me - "She's my little sister leave her alone"
Him - "No, you two, you don't look anything like eachother"
Me - "She's my half sister"
Him - "Oh fair enough, how old are you then"
Kirsty - "She's 14"
LMFAO, awh me and Kirsty are funny. Just to explain the funnyness me and Kirsty are 18 (me) and 16 (kirsty) and look NOTHING alike so much so we couldn't even be cousins lmfao!! haha the cheeky bastard asked Kirsty if she was pregnant and for some reason thats the second time this week someones asked her that, i don't understand because she's a skinny retch to be fair bless her. So she's getting all paranoid and brought a book on weight loss lmfao bless her. She went mad over a pair of shorts in new look and decided she haf no choice but to buy them even though they were £16 and when she finally brought them and got them home she's decided she dosn't like them! bless her the knob haha i do love Kirsty especially because she gave me a bottle of sours haha and that is always always good Anyway i'm going to go and make a cup of tea and have a cigarette and after that i'm going to try and put Justin to bed in the hopes that he will sleep and allow me to shower because he is yawning like a little yawning machine in all fairness i actually think he'd fall asleep on his playmat if it wasn't for the music i'm playing and the stupidly loud clicking of the laptop keys as i type for britan lol, i could be a typist or something one day i can type well fast but i think i make to many mistakes i make alot of stupid mistakes, i'm abit like Gareth gates in that respect, i'm going to stop now... tattybyes. :)


I knew i'd do that, i went to bed last night to read my book with every intention to come and blog afterwards, i finished my book (amazing btw if not a little odd) and promptly fell asleep, i knew i would lol. Now i'm listening to cliff richard, this is my life, infact no, this is my life, my boiler is broken. Seriously. I have tea and crumpets though so it's not all bad, i have to make up bottles soon so i can feed Justin at half ten he's up at the moment bles him being a duck and sticking his tongue out and playing on his playmat and being an adorable little man as per usual... Need to go to my dads at some point today so i can borrow his travel cot so Mike can look after the baba for me tonight while i go to a club to, not go clubbing, haha there's a first for everything i guess... lol. My baby takes the morning train, he works from 9 to five and then he takes another home again to find me waiting for him... I think i probably typed them lyrics yesterday to but thats because ive been listening to cd 2 of 101 party hits for the past three days. I like tea. lol. It is pissing it down, can you believe it after the nice weather we've had and everything, actually that makes it make more sense its a depression thing isn't it, like when it's really hot for abit it gets all rainy and sometimes thundery and such... See i do remember some things from school lol. Oh, GREAT my phones broken now, my life is not a goodun today, really is it. Oh, even better, it's taunting me, it is working perfectly well, exept for the keys so i can see that people are texting me i just can't unlock it to reply to them... Wow my life is a sham of a mockery of a sham of well i do not know, it is simply shambolic to the max. I have to put my nuva ring back in today and i really do not want to/can not be bothered because it is highly unplesent and i am disliking the nausea side effects, saying that you get the same side effects on the pill so you know... They should create some kind of thing that you do once and then you just can't have kids until you want to. Oh wait, they have the coil don't they and the implant... Okay then i guess thats simple, maybe i should get the patch instead, saying that Kirsty had the patch ages ago and apparently it's horrible. Haha oh yeah thats what i was going to say yesterday... Mikes mom is a ledgend haha i was wearing some big gold hoop earings yesterday and Mike said they were ridiculous and i said they were pretty so he asked his mom if she thought they were ridiculous and she said "you've lost your parrot" hahahahahahahahahahaahhha. hahahahahaha. Eurgh i feel so ill this is not good not good at al. And Justin is rolling himself over and back and over and back and over and back, oohh, poor things banged his head, i'm going to do that thing now though where i try not to dive on him and say are you okay baby repeatedly because apparently i will turn him into a puff haha. Not in a gay way, in a little cry baby kind of way. Omg, it worked ish. Well he moaned for a min or two but now he's playing again haha omg but i so wanted to pick him up the poor thing lol i probably wont do that again now even though i guess i should, i think i'm just too panicky i gave him a baby biccie yesterday and started at him eating it and every time it broke into little bits i'd take them away or hold it while he ate it incase he choked and yes i know thats going abit far and being abit over protective but i can't help it. I'm petrified especially after he did in ikea that once, it was horrible he went blue and everything, i will never ever forget that day i genuinely think it was the worst of my life, and i've had a million and one bad days. Fucking hell i think i'm dying my necks all stiff and horrible and i have a killer headache. I really don't want to take anything because well i don't like to take tablets but i feel like crap my phone is still broken and i can't even turn it off and back on because it is locked lol had to take the battery out, hopefully now it will work, anyway i'm off to make Justins bottles and have a cigarette and try to work out if my illness is worth taking a paracetamol or two. Eurgh, life.

It keeps getting better and better i don't know if i should laugh or cry, my phone keeps breaking, like every ten mins. I've somehow managed to get a bottle and a snack pot fused together during the sterilising process and my phone bill is £103 pounds... Seriously, someone just kill me now. Also, i still feel horrendously incredibly and stupidly ill. I hate my life. And noone is up well no people are up cuz some people are texting me back but right now i would like to talk to Mike or Lou neither of wich are going to be awake until the afternoon because Lou had work last night and Mike had a party lol. Suicide. Seriously, Suicide seems to be the only answer.

To top life off, Justins bottle is too hot to give it to him at the moment so he is unhappy and screaming also i have enough nappies and milk to last me a day or two and no money until tuesday and also, the last cruel thing to happen to me so far today keeping in mind that it isn't even midday yet is that my phone my broken phone has just started playing the worlds most depressing song ever (death cab for cutie i will follow you into the dark) at me and because it is broken i cannot stop it, it will not stop, it will not, i may aswell just kill myself now. seriously.

Justin has had his bottle now and is in bed which is good, i've just vomited which is bad and i have a shit load and i mean a shit load of tidying to do including emptying the nappy bin hanging the washing up putting more washing in attempting to do the washing up with only cold water vaccing up sweeping up cleaning up and well, shit loads which is also bad but i refuse, i simply refuse i am going back to bed to die a lonely death. I fear if i stay awake another second i will have a serious mental nervous breakdown thing like in the snow last year, Lou can tell you all about it, if you know lou, if not skip back about 80 blogs it might be there... I think i'm going to vomit again, goodbye.

Justin is screaming and wont go to sleep even though he is clearly tired and i am still vomiting... (Wel not right at this second) but as you can tell, going back to bed is simply not an option, i am having a mental breakdown, i wish i were joking. I wish this were one of those moments where i yell suicide and pretend shoot myself in the head but not it is no not one of those things i am having a mental breakdown i am breaking down into little tiny teeny weeny itsy bitsy pieces and wwell that is not never ever good, well no , it is just not good i do not know what i am doing or saying or trying but i am dying i need a cigarette so i will have one i think there is no music on and i like it that way but it is far to quite at the silence is screaming at me and i just need it to shut up just for a second so i can work out what to do so i can stop having quite a mental fuck up haha fuck up break down why do things go up and down, like cheer up and calm down up down up down up down up down oh gosh im dying. I'm going to go and vomit again now.


So, as soon as my baby shuts up another one starts, thats the problem with living in a motherand baby unit no mater what time it is you are sure to hear a baby screaming somewhere in the block. Damn it. My head is exploding but im starting to think that it is just my mental breakdown and not an actual real headache so i imagine taking paracetamol will not do anything perhaps it would releive the symptom but the problem would still be there so my headache would simply return i need some prozac or something of the sort to make my head shut up for a moment or two, i wonder if Ami has any left? damn bitch, she's at Cathryns anyway no help to me then, ooohh valium i need valium or something i can't sleep i keep vomiting. the giraffe is looking at me it is looking at me in a strange and weird way and i am dying right no seriously i need to think straight now i need to think properly i need to work out what to do i need to pick all the terrible problems i have apart anf then fix them one by one that is what i should do that is what i need to do and that is what i usually do and i havent had a mental breakdown in forever since it snowed last year. Not the snow where i went to the cinema though, the snow where it snowed in solihull before anywhere else so noone beleived me that it was snowing lol. But me and Louisa got covered in snow the snow where i stepped in a puddle and that puddle was the last straw and i very nearly died. Okay problem fixing time i need to do it so i shall list the traumas of my life....
My neck is stiff and hurts a hell of alot
my head is painfull and hurts a hell of alot
i am vomiting a hell of alot
i need a shower and i have only cold water
i need to do the washing up and i have only cold water
my boiler is broken so i have only cold water
i do not know how to go about making my boiler not broken and fran isn't in until monday
i have nothing of niceness to wear tonight and do not want to look and smell like a tramp
i have a very small amount of nappies
i have a very small amount of milk
i have absoloutely no money what so ever
i need to buy nappies
i need to buy milk
i need to get to and from solihull tonight
my phone bill is £103 pounds
my internet bill is £40 and counting
i have to find a way of getting Justin and justins stuff and a travel cot to mikes later with no form of transport bar my feet
i am tired very very tired and i cannot sleep because vomiting is the only answer
i want a cup of tea but am rapidly running out of milk
i long for death
and i am having a mental breakdown
oh and my phone is broken/breaking/dead/dying.

I think thats it for now so lets get cracking...

Okay i can't fix my neck or my head or my vomiting so thats a fail already, i also can't fix the shower i can do the washing up with kettle water i guess but i cannot fix my boiler i can see if anyone has any clothes to lend me for tonight though i doubt it very much and i can possibly shower at my dads i guess i can probably make my nappies and milk stretch until monday maybe but i will have to go out first thing tuesday morning to buy more i think my milk will possibly maybe last but i'm not sure about the nappies but worst comes to worst i do have some swim napies lol. but i only have about 3 of them to be fair OH OH OH there are nappies in the changing bag i think/hope i cannot fic any more problems because i have no money money is my problem tht is what i have figured out money and cold water are ruinging my life and for once this has not helped this has not helped at all and i think i am still having a mental breakdown and ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH oh my fuckingg god I JUST HAD A FUCKING HEART ATTACK someone is washing my windows! oh my fucking god oh god help oh god oh god oh god help stop it please oh god help me please please stop it oh god oh god oh god oh god this is horrendous oh my god that was petrifying have you ever looked up at a window to see a huge sqidgy sponge thingy rubbing stuff all over it? Wow that was petrifying oh my god see seee look at my life, just look at it, if you were me you'd have killed yourself by now that is what i think or perhaps you would be being rational about it but i fear there is no time to be rational when you are having a mental breakdown rationality is simply not an option.

Incase you were wondering the bottle and the snack pot are still fused together...

Do you think if i chopped my head off and took some things out and then sewed my head back on then that would help? I need to take some things out of my head i think i think that would make things a hell of alot better i've just realised things are better while i am typing so if i just type and type and type and i never ever stop then things will always be okay because i can just watch my hands snaking over the keyboard and well if i am honest it is wuite nice to just watch my hands typing they go so fast and it makes a lovely clicking noise but i fear i am making lots and lots of mistakes because i am not looking at the writing at the top of the screen oh my alarm on my phone is going of now it is telling me that if i managed to get to sleep that i should wake up now because Justin may be awake and if he is not then he may be soon and i should probably get some tidying done for when he is but screw that i refuse i am going to go back to bed because my neck hurts so much i can hardly move it and i am in agony and i genuinly wish i were dead i am going to kill myself goodbye.

Justin is awake and crying i still havent showered or cleaned but i have slept, and that is good because i think i am no longer having a breakdown and i think i am a bit better and my neck dosn't hurt anymore but my head does and i still feel sick. Mike wants to borrow a tenner and i do not have a tenner to borrow i am borrowing money off Lou to get home tonight for starters lol. Lou wants me to be at hers at 5 later and her dad is picking me up but i do not know if i will have got the travel cot to Mikes by then or not, i need to shower but i have to get Justin up and i need to clean and oh god here i go again, pokay, dont. think. just. do. goodbye.


See i told you talking to lou and or Mike would help, i have spoen to both, i have showered i have dressed, kinda, and got my nice clothes ready for later. Mike is at home now and will be coming down in a bit and then we are going to pick the travel cot up my dads not in at the moment but i'm hoping he will be by later so we can get a lift down to Mikes so we don't have to carry the travel cot and oh damn it, i just realised that involves car seat osity which i cannot do, well i could do but would be hard to... oh well, i'm sure my dad will have a baby car seat now so perhaps i can borrow that? i don't know really i need a new car seat for Justin anyway because he is getting far too big for the one he uses at the moment and oh god yes, the car seat is already at my dads, that makes for easyosity it really does, i may aswell just leave it at my dads all the time because i only ever use it to go to louisa's and when we used to go swimming but we don't now, saying that we want to start again which will mean i will be baby busy 3 days out of the week and work busy one day out of the week leaving me with 3 days a week to do whatever whatever time i like but saying that i should be getting a letter through sooner or later about the next youth council meeting... i haven't mind so god knows haha. I need to go feed Justin in a moment and get him all nice and dressed because he is still in his jammies due to my nervous breakdown this morning, i've figured most of my problems are gone now exept the money ones because the weather has got better again so my boiler being broken isn't too much of a trauma at the moment. but on the money front i am well and truely fucked fucked fucked. lol. i'm going to have to get james to cancel my phone or something because in all honesty i simply cannot afford it. lol Mike felt the need to tell me that as far as he remembers he didn't come on to anyone last night... haha, thanks for that... I think it's okay, i think i trust him. Oh well, like i was saying to my mom the other day, as long as i can be happy for a little bit i figure i can take whatever life throws at me be it good bad or horrendous and i must say right now in my life when i look at the big picture i am very happy. Though i will probably still continue to have mental breakdowns because sometimes i get stuck on the little details and when you think bout the bad there is never any good, you ever noticed that? a million good things could be happening but as soon as you start to think about one bad thing you're fucked. seriously. right. I have a wonderful boyfriend brilliant friends a gorgeous little baby boy a cute little flat i'm starting college in september i'm possibly starting work tonight and i'd say those are all pretty damn good things especially considering how unsettled the last few years of my life have been but as soon as one bad thing happens you find a million other bad things and forget about the good, and oh my, the poor bababababababa is crying what is wrong baba i can't believe it is almost half two already lol i will go and get Justin changed and dressed now and feed him and give him some milk and put him to bed and then i will make sure i have enough baba stuff in the changing bag and such for Mike to look after him tonight what will i need? Jammies for him and his 6:30 bottle and his rusk and his other 6:30 bottle and his breakfast and i'll give him his half ten bottle too just incase it's needed lol. And about 4-5 nappies? Just incase, i have enough wipes and nappy bags in the changing bag, he will probably want a bib also and a toy or two... that should be it... :D I GOT CUT LOSE FOOTLOSE, KICK OFF YOUR SUNDAY SHOES....

HER NAME IS RIO AND SHE DANCES ON THE SAND. I am making cheese burgers and i am supposed to grill them for about 8 mins which means they will be done at around 55 mins past. I have orange nails and am wearing very small gold hoops instead of my huge ridiculous ones. lol. I fear Mike has died lol, well no not died not at all, but he has not text me back... lol. As far as i am aware he was going into his sorting himself out and having something to eat and such and then coming down here and well, he hasn't text me back lol, i'm not expecting him here yet anyway (hence why i am cooking) but in his hungover state i thought i would text him and ask if he was okay lol... I'M WALKING ON SUNSHINE, WOAHHHH... & ITS TIME TO FEEL GOOD.... I used to think maybe you loved me now i know that its trueeeeeee... haha i'm in such a merry mood now, its funny how my moods change like this, it can't be healthy, or sane or anything. It annoys the hell out of Mike because i'll leave a room in a mood with him or just with life or whatever for one reason or another and by the time i come back, usually the amount of time it takes to have a cigarette or go for a wee or change a nappy or something like that but anyway by the time i come back i'm all chirpy and cheerfull and chatting on about nothing much at all. That annoys him lol. I'M WALKING ON SUNSHINE WOOOOOAAAHHHH. oh and by the way the book i brought the other day, thursday to be exact was choke by Chuck whats his name...(for all you fanatics out there i do not mean chuck norris) lol at the fact that i brought it thursday and didn't start reading it until about eleven and i had finished it by ten last night. SHIT BURGERS!


I don't know if i am going to die a horrible death or not but these burgers are nice. Also i managed to seperate the bottle and the snack pot lol. I am good, no, i am amazing. I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY LUCKY I SHOULD BE SO LUCKY IN LOVE.... I had a really strange dream last night i was doing the footlose dance and then the time warp with a little blonde girl not little as in young but short like... lol. and she was wearing something green but i dont know if it was her top or her jacket and Mike was there i think and well i can't really remember the rest. but i did just do a big scary sneeze! I hate sneezing, ever since someone told me that if you sneeze with your eyes open they will pop out of your head, i'm petrified incase i don't close my eyes even though i'm pretty sure it's physically impossible... Hey what happens if you're driving really fast and you sneeze? Or if you're giving someone head... that would be rather painfull for whoever it was... lol. RED RED WINNEEEEEEEEEE........ I'm going to go and get a drink and have a cigarette and then probably phone Mike to see if he is alive and well lol.

I have spoken to Mike and he is alive and well but shattered bless him he's all hungovery. I'm going to go and brush my teeth in a moment so i don't have vomit cigarette burger breath... lol. Lou recons i'll be starting tonight but god knows... lol. Mike said he will come over in a bit and should be with me in about half hour and that he will text me when he leaves and it will take him about half hour to get to me from when he leaves but he hasn't even text me yet haha. Bless him if i haven't heard from him by 4 then i'll give him another bell haha. He did say in all fairness that his battery was going to die. lol.I've just put this months ring in hopefully these nasty side effects will go away soon lol i'm going to use this one pack (which contains 3 rings so 3 months worth) and see how i feel about it afterwards because i have nine months worth of ring usuageness and i don't really want them to go to waste so i will probably end up using them all unless they end up killing me i think the idea is really good and such and i do quite like the easyness but it does fall out on occasion lol. I am bored and have nothing to do so again i am just typing nothing at all Justin is asleep and i am listening to music and waiting for Mike and having nothing to do and i am bored and will probably end up smoking oir eating loads,. oh thats what i was doing boiling water for the boiling water thingy and also for tea, i'm going to have to re boil the kettle now, eurgh takes the piss lol. Hello i am jessica and i am very bored and i do not like being bored i also do not like the song that is on but i do not know what it is so i can not tell you why i do not like it because i do not know what it is but it is very annoying anyway and i am going to go and boil the kettle now and have a cigarette and perhaps a packet of crisps and then i am going to make a cup of tea and put the rest of the boiling water into Justins boiled water thingy that keeps boiled water warm that dosn't actually seem to work very well at all but it dosn't really matter all that much lol. My neck hurts so much i am honestly nearly crying.


Well i am a little annoyed because i just spent ages typing about my night last night and then the laptop cable fell out! :( Anyway as i was saying i think it went quite well and i can't think of a much better night for me than dancing around in a 90's bar all night really, can you? Though i did encounter a problem with the fact that whenever i open a glass cleaner machine my glasses steamed up but i managed to work it out by turning my head to the side and kind of squinting out of one eye haha also i got glass in my foot but ahh well i didn't have a break until about 2am and i didn't get back to Mikes until about half 4-5 i didn't even have a fag when i got there i was that fucked, saying that i don't like smoking at other peoples houses anyway lol. Saying that when i went to his the other day and he had to pop up chelmsley i had a fag in his garden while i waited for him lol. Anyway yeah,. so basically the point was that i had a really good night last night even if my back aches like fuck and my legs arent working, you'd think with the whole glass carrying thing that my arms would be hurting but no apparently my back hurts for the lolz though i kinda understand that walking in circles for 5 hours is going to do some kind of damage to your legs lol. I really want to natter on and on about my first night but there really isn't much to say, everyone was so nice though and obviously i already knew Nathan and Lou Haha me and Nathan were in the same place at first so he was supposed to look after me and while he was showing me around we both got moved but i think i got on okay... i think. I saw an old friend from school there too i haven't seen her since november after the yoda thing when me lou and rob went to o neils and before that i have no clue when i saw her last but i told her i was with Mike now and she was well chuffed because we were friends back when i was still with James but i liked Mike and i used to tell her all about it haha. I'm not sure if they ever met or not though. Mike is so incredibly fit, sorry, there was no reason to tell you all that but well it was in my head and it is true and isn't a blog kind of like a diary which is kind of like your thoughts just written down so yes, Mike is incredibly fit and stupidly amazing and fanstastic and now i'm going to stop embarassing myself and change the subject haha. I've just finished my tea and i only have enough milk left to make like one more. I'm supposed to be phoning Mike around half eleven and going back down to his, i haven't done anything i need to do yet, i'm not even sure what i need to do. I shall write a list...
Wash bottles and food pots.
Sterilise bottles and food pots
Fill bottles
Do the washing up
Put clothes away
Put clothes in the wash
Get dressed
Go to the shop and try to get sma and nappies and milk with £10
That shouldn't really actually take me all that long but saying that i only have fifteen mins before i have to phone Mike and Justin still isn't asleep he's just lying in his cot playing with teddys lol. He's clearly shattered though so he will go to sleep, oh also i could do with doing some general tidying and probably eating something even though i've just eaten 4 riveta with cream cheese and cucumber and a packet of crisps but i am starving starving starving lol for some reaosn i am wide wide wide awake. :) Not even in an over tired way just in a oh, i'm awake way. I forget sometimes that i genuinely function better on small amounts of sleep throughout the day and night lol. 4 hours at night at 2 in the day and i'm sorted, i don't know why, or how but i am promising you that that is when i function at my best! Always has been. lol. I STINK of alcohol and sweat and sex... thank fuck the sex smell is my own lol... Awh Justins having a right moan now he is not happy bless him poor thing. Anyway i guess i am going to post this and check post secrets because i cannot think of anything else to say right now apart from, by the way i am doing the one blog per week thing again and i will update on sundays simply to save money, sundays because that way i can check post secrets at the same time lol.... Thats terrible isn't it? haha oh well. Love you all.

oh and by the way, Mike turned up yesterday and fixed my boiler in a second. :)

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