Tuesday, 3 February 2009

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.

There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward. -Kahlil Gibran.

07:09am.
Okay so a deep fill chicken and bacon sandwich isn't a usual breakfast but i brought it for lunch yesterday and then changed my mind so, here i am lol. Okay so yesterday, lol. Ami came overf and it was merry and then Mike came over and it was merry and we went in the snoww and my dad babysat for me and we went to see my bloody valentine 3d and it was ace and i loved it haha but it was SO cold and SO snowy outside my feet were hurting so much i thought i was dying because i'm the idiot that couldn't find anything else so wore open shoes, seriously. So yeah, wicked times last night twas amazing. Still don't know what is going on with Jmaes having Justin this weekend or any other weekend for that matter, grrr. I do know though that i should hurry with life as i have to be at the doctors in about an hour and a half and it is FREEZING, i need to wash bottles and shower and dress and dress Justin and then, leave i guess, but still, lol i might have the shower when i get home instead, DAMNIT, i can't remember where my key is, well i know it is in the rucksack thingy but i can't remember where that is, i forgot it last night and had to phone dad at almost 1am to come let me in! Terrible, this sandwich is REALLY nice! lol i lost about 10 fags yesterday i was well gutted idk where i fucking put um. :( Had a big long chat with Mike on msn last night, i would post it but i wont lets just say it was all deep and such lol. So didn't get to bed until 3am and then i couldn't sleep because i was so cold I remember still being up at about half 4 and then i think i must have fallen to sleep, obviously only to be woken up at half 6 lolz! Thing is oddly i don't feel that tired! :S How strange. I will later though, i'll compleetly crash i recon lolz. COLDNESS. Right i'm off in the garden for a fag and then im going to wash up bottles and try my god damned hardest to find some warm clothes! xx


14:52pm.
Finally got a chance to do some blogging today, i say that asif i've been super swamped all day but i really haven't. I convince Ami to lend me the perks of being a wallflower and i've spent the day reading it inbetween feeding changing and playing with Justin, finished it now. :) I love that book more than life itself. Well thats abit much, but i do love it it is deffinately one of my favorites only problem being it puts me into one of those thinky moods which me and Louisa have established is a philosophical mood and also quite a poetic and interesting thing. Infact i will post our conversation from earlier today... I'm uploading it as an image because chat logs are annoying to c&p lol. And also along with that to text conversation i had earlier going something like.
"i wish my life were as pictureesque as it seems in my head"
"why"
"picture this, i'm standing in the snow smoking the last of a marlboro light contemplating with a puffy coat and a big bag and i feel slightly like a grown up version of the little princess."
My socks are very wet from walking in the snow in my boots which apparently arent good for snow weather as they let the snow in very much and it is very wet and cold. I'm not even wearing matching socks. haha. I'm still listening to that song... (8)Marry me Juliet you never have to be alone i love you and thats all i really know i talked to your dad go pick out a white dress it's a love story baby just say yes(8) I love it haha. I'm still thinky by the way i just can't get it out so i thought i would talk a load of boring uninteresting rubbish in the hopes that the rest will just go with the flow and come out accidently, it usually does. Justin has been moany all day today but he's sleeping now lol had to go out in the snow TWICE today, doctors this morning and it was really annoying because i got there at ten to 9 and the doctor got there at 15 past nine and the appointment was at 9 how annoying i was only in there two seconds to get Justin some more eye drops anyway lol. Then i had to go out to get my dad some rent. Justin has woken up again its getting really annoying the poor thiong because he is so tired and you can just see how tired he is but he KEEPS on waking up like every two mins and i feel bad for him because he just cannot seem to stay asleep. I'll go up to him now hang on. Lmao well that was a huge waste of time. He is half asleep his eyes are practically shut he is yawning and screaming his little head off at the same time. He just will not sleep. But he is clearly tired and he is screaming so stupidly loud. I'm having to leave him for five mins to see if he manages to get himself off to sleep. I highly doubt it somehow. I have no clue what on earth is wrong with him, not at all. The conversation has uploaded now. lol.

I still can't believe i've finished the book, my dads given me another one to read now, i think it is called on the road but i can't remember who it is by, i've read the blurb and the first paragraph so far and it dosn't seem to bad but obviously i can't pass judgement until i've read a little more of it really. The mood i am in today makes me feel like i am in the perfect mood to rewrite my myspace about me. But we all know how long that takes me so i will save it until later tonight perhaps. Unless i end up enjoying this book because then i will be reading it and i will have to wait until tomorrow. Justin is still screaming like a maniac, he has quietened down quite abit though. Oh actually, he's stopped now, ah, the joys of being stubborn lol, i knew he'd go to sleep in the end haha, it's only been like two mins, damnit, i spoke to soon, he's screamy again, i'm going to go and give him his dummy the poor mite perhaps that will send him off to sleep. No such luck, i think he's teething? God knows my dad said earlier that he thought he might be and it would explain the crying relentlessly for no apparent reason thing. Hmmm. I would give him a teether but he just really isn't interested in life lmao. That meaning if you give him a toy he dosn't care, he will probably hold it for a moment, prehaps put it into his mouth for a second or two and then he drops it and dosn't care anymore lol. He prefers playing with people to toys and he's the same with teethers and anything else i might give to him and i can't for the life of me think where that damned teething gel is. lol. Right i guess i am going to have to go, i am going to go for a cigarette and if he hasn't calmed down by the time i have finished that then well i do not know what i am going to do, possibly take him for a walk though obviously that would be a major last resort lol. Considering the weather and such. I HATE when he screams and i don't know why i feel so fucking helpless and it makes me want to scream. I am done. done for now, perhaps forever. i am done.

18:35pm.
I am happy. I have a perfect son who is fast asleep in his basket upstairs. I have amazing friends whom i love ridiculously despite their oddities, infact due to their oddities i think, i have a wonderful boyfriend who is also an amazing friend AND on top of that the love of my life (Gareth gates) laugh if you will but i am not ashamed!!! Is going to be in Joseph!!! Not in a gay way, the dreamcoat thing.
"Gareth Gates was revealed as the new Joseph in the West End production of Joseph And His Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat today, taking the coveted garment from current Joseph Lee Mead. Gareth will take on the role from February 9 2009,"
http://uk.popsugar.com/2539991

Wowie at life.
OMG, and i am about to have a jacket potato life could not get better. :)

19:30pm.
Why is it whenever i say it couldn't get better it gets worse but also when i say it couldn't get worse it gets worse? Where are my breaks god damn it... I shall show you why.

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
Go and sort your sugar out baby
Archie. Heavily Upset. says:
id have to eat
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
GO FUCKING ON THEN
Archie. said (6:56 PM):
hollyoaks
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
If you dare go offline right now i will stab you i need to say something and it is going to take a while to type.
Archie. Heavily Upset. says:
oooh im not going anywhere...dads just shoved food at me
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
Louisa, i love you to bits and you know it but you do not know how much because i am one of those people who take the piss just a little bit and refuse to let people know how much they mean to me because then when they fuck off it dosn't hurt so much, or so i think, but whatever i love you one hell of alot you are my best friend
THIS IS NOT A NICE MESSAGE I AM NOT FINISHED
DO NOT TYPE UNTIL I TELL YOU I AM DONE!
but you are making me very angry right now and i know it is very hypocritical for me to be angry at you but i am sorry i just am and i cannot do anything about what i feel because well, noone can and i feel angry but more than that i feel worried actually no more than that i feel angry im not sure which i feel more but either way i am angry and worried and you know me i am not going to sit back
and just let you fuck up because i'm not that girl, i'm not the girl that hugs you and says it will be okay and then sits back while it isn't i am not so i am going to say this once and only once and if you chose to ignore it then that is your own choice but just do not expect to be seing me as often if you do because i cannot sit around and watch you destory yourself. This obsession you have with
food is not only unhealthy but it is stupid, and i know how you work, you're weird, no offence is meant by that but you are and i know that by saying this i am probably going to upset you but i wouldn't be saying anything if i did not think that ultimately it would be for the best, you are a fucking tiny little piece of littleness, you are minescule yes i cant spell but that is not important right
now
IM NOT DONE
DO NOT TYPE
I AM NOT DONE
It really makes me angry when you talk about not eating or not wanting to eat or throwing up what you eat and i cannot say it to you when you are talking about it because despite being a blunt and honest person i am not an insensitive person and i cannot yell at you moments after you have thrown your guts up because i know what goes through someones head when they are in that situation and i know
it is hard and it hurts and whatever and whatever the reason is that you are doing it it is bollocks i think i recall you mentioning ryan while talking about it once and im not being funny but he should have nothing to do with your life anymore especially not to do with your mentality and i know that if he is in your head then he is in your head and you cannot help that what so ever but you do not
have to let him take over your head! you do not have to let him ruin your life over and over again
you are going to end up killing youself you're already far too small to be alive if you carry on this way then i will be berrying my best friend and i refuse to do that! I will fucking kill you if you leave me like that and that is the way you're going and i know deep inside that you know that and i dont know if that is your aim or if it is just a possible side effect in your head but either way
if you carry on the way you are it will become a very real reality and i cannot cope with that i can not and i will not so i'm sorry but if you don't atleast try then i am going to have to walk out of your life and not look back because i wont watch you kill yourself i wont do it i love you too much to lose you like that i would rather not see you again and hate and blame myself and spend my life
thinking what i am saying now was maybe too harsh than not say anything and have to tell it to your coffin in six months! You are beautiful louisa and you are already too skinny, you have so so so many blokes after you and you fail to see what they do, yeah half of them just see a pussy but to hell with it lou they're blokes you can't expect much more really can you? Fact of the matter is it is
still yours that they want, there's a million girls in the world, and it is yours that they want even if it is just for a lousy 2 minits!
and i would like to end this rant with three things
one, i love you please don't make me walk away
two, You are amazing, i do not lie, you need to belive me
three, we accept the love we think we deserve!
Ok.
Archie. Heavily Upset. says:
you made me cry and laugh. and im going to have a cheese and onion toasted sandwich if you want a bit
i understand what you say and its been registered, not ignored...registered
i am trying to eat more
ily2
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
ok.
wel
im crying
i hope you are happy!
Archie. Heavily Upset. says:
im not... worried...sad...guilty.....and sorry but disturbed that there is a dragonball film coming out
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
lmfao.
Archie. Heavily Upset. says:
ill be fine.
and youll never have to bury me unless they execute me for anti jew
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
Thats the thing Louisa you wont you know you wont and you cant expect me to belive that when i know you dont really mean it and i know you dont believe it
Stop making FUCKING JOKES!
Archie. Heavily Upset. says:
make me eat. force me if you have to
i mean that.
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
I can't Louisa i dont see you half enough to force you into a healthy diet
and it would e wastefull knowing you will just bring it back up
e*
be** DAMNIT
Archie. Heavily Upset. says:
that doesnt happen as much
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
i dont care
it still happens and it shouldn't!
Once is too much!
Archie. Heavily Upset. says:
i know. thats why i told you
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
You need to do it yourself
you need to do it because you want to not because your forced to otherwise you will only go back to it once the force is gone
Do you think the planets would still circle the sun if the gravity dissapeared?
Archie. Heavily Upset. says:
no
i get your point
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
thankyou.
I'm truly sorry if i have upset you, but not enough to take back a single word i've said, i mean every word of it Louisa


And that is that, we're having a big chat now though. i love you lou! x

I just have to add something, this is how amazing my boyfriend is...
oooh one sec
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
Ok lol.
mike>> entertainment for your mouth says:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=nwBbMXYDsXw
hehe there you go
i know you like that one

Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. says:
oh my god.
You never fail to amaze me.

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