Man is a creature of hope and invention, both of which belie the idea that things cannot be changed

Man is a creature of hope and invention, both of which belie the idea that things cannot be changed - Tom Clancey

08:15am.
Feels like it's been months since i blogged, in actual fact it's been two days? If that. My mobile internet decided not to work because that is my life but i've phoned them up now and apparently it's because even though my account was scheduled for activation it hadn't been activated so now i've got to wait 24 hours for that so i'm using Cathryns at the moment, lol.

So, that past couple of days, well Mike stopped last night and the night before, thats nice. :) At the moment i think i'm having a bit of a downer, a proper one though not like, i'm depressed, i'm not, i mean like just, a low, does that make sense? It does to me. I'm doing the thing again where i'm SO SO SO tired but my mind is WIDE away and going round and round everything in the world several thousands times and i just talk and talk and think and think and i don't know what i'm doing or thinking or saying but i do it anyway. I was on the phone to Lou for about an hour at like half 6 this morning. Christ almighty. I've done everything i need to do this morning i think except get jimmy out but i can't be bothered at the moment, Justin is having his nap and Mike is in bed still bless him. I have key working session at 11 this morning and then as far as i am aware Ami is coming over. :) I had a panic attack yesterday because i had to go to the shop for fags and while i was in the shop i forgot it was dark so i got scared when i left lol, that hasn't happened for a little while, i think it's this living alone thing, its making me more paranoid than usual and such, but i do not care, i will power through it simply because independace is what i am thriving for at the moment even if i can't spell it. I am in love with Matt nathanson - come on get higher at the moment i've had it on repeat since about 8 lol. My nan grandad and bob brought some stuff over yesterday some of it was from my auntie tracie aswell so THANKYOU! :) I'm not sure what to write this morning, gosh i'm so busy this week. Doctors tomorrow and then i'm going to Lou's i THINK and then i'm seeing Lou on sunday and i'm seeing Robyn next thursday and i'm seeing Keira at some point next week and well i'm just busy, i'm hoping my community care grant will come through within the next week or two because well, it should lol. Oh, i got my phone bill by the way, it's £79! :O Oh my, better than last month but still, i'm going to try really really hard not to go over now! lol, i'm trying to think who i know who is on orange because i can add a new magic number and i already have Carly and my Dad and i don't know who else is on orange, Ami and Lou i think, well i THINK Lou is i'm not sure, i don't know which of them i phone more if i'm honest though, i really don't probably Louisa but god knows, i need to add one of them though it will probably cut my phone bill by half lol! I'm trying desperately to check my mysapce but it simply will not load it refuses and that makes me sad. Justin keeps saying dada now, it's brilliant, well i say keeps it's quite rare and he wont do it when you want him to, if i were to sit infront of him for 2 hours simply saying dadadadada he would be silent and occasionally gurgle and laugh and then two hours later i would be about to put him to bed or something and he would say it, he's awkward lol bless him. I think thats pretty much all i have to say this morning but you can gaurentee i will be back later. :)

(8)So come on get higher loosen my lips faith and desire and the swing of your hips, pull me down hard and drown me in love.

20:05pm.
Lol It's been almost twelve hours since i last blogged, i feel fine now just to let you all know before you read this next bit but i genuinely think the past two hours have been the lowest in a long time. I lay on the floor in my pitch black flat listening to damien rice too depressed to even smoke, if i knew why i would happily tell you but, i don't... Anyway i'm okay now which is what is important and even if i wasn't okay, i have the doctors tomorrow morning. :) lol. I'm getting abit nervous about the UKYP thing now, we find out who's been elected soon lol. Next wednesday i think. Cross your fingers for me world? lol. Justin was well fussy tonight he had to have his bottle at like 5 past siz because he just would not calm down no matter what i did and then it took him quite a long time for him to get to sleep afterwards too, i think he went to sleep around seven which considering he had his bottle early is pretty late, he's sleeping now though bless him, poor thing.