Thursday, 15 January 2009

Our waking hours form the text of our lives, our dreams, the commentary.

Our waking hours form the text of our lives, our dreams, the commentary. - Anon.

So i didn't actually come back yesterday, sorry, i was totally shattered. I'm really starting to look forward to weaning Justin i can't wait haha. Also though i'm getting a bit concerened about how much he sleeps, he goes to bed at like 7pm and usually wakes up at half 6 which is fine but sometimes (like today) not until like 8am and he still sleeps during the day, i mean, i KNOW babys need sleep, but that much? I swear he didn't sleep that much when he was newborn and that was all he did then, eat and sleep, and eat and sleep... lol. Bless him he's in a little pair of jeans and a hoodie today. :) Cuteness. So i got sent a forward text message last night you know one of those "ask me anything" ones, i actually thought all the questions i was getting (when i sent it off myself) were quite interesting, i like doing the whole questions and answers thing, you get to know a person alot better and easier and lalala. You know? Apparently the myspace quiz i'm doing at the moment is "serious questions" i'll post it on here once i'm done. x

Would you shave your head if a family member asked you to because they had cancer?
Yes i would, thats not such a great gesture considering i don't have much hair and considering i don't really mind about it. Sadly though i think i would be pulling off the Britney spears with no hair looks more so than the Natalie portman look lol.

What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant?
Lmao at Louisa's answer. It isn't posible for me to be pregnant but if it were and i went to the doctors all merry like "whats up doc" and such and he said "you're pregnant" i think i'd genuinely be happy, despite the fact i don't REALLY want any more kids until Justin is abit older.

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
You know, i've been fucked over that much i can't even work out who that person is never mind if they've appolagised not though, going on the averages they probably haven't.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
No, i don't even bother trying now its like "hey you okay" "No i'm depressed and want to kill myself" "oh" lmao.

Are you wasting your time on someone?

Explain the last time you threw up:
The last time i threw up was at Carly's, i was very very very drunk & sat in her toilet while everyone else had sex, bar Mike who was passed out. It was bright green and Carly decided i must have been eating peas, but i don't like peas. Why would you even ask that? That's vile.

Last thing that made you cry:
I don't remember, i haven't genuinely cried for a while i don't think.

Do you have a bad temper?
Well, i do but it isn't often i lose my temper. I think Ami may have seen me lose it, if not the only people you could ask would be James (ew) & my mom lol.

Do you think you'll be married in ten years?
Oh dear god if i were i would simply die, please no.

How many funerals have you been to in your lifetime?

How often do you think about suicide?
In a serious genuine i'm actually going to kill myself way? More often than i'd like but not often enough for it to be a major problem. In a "lol at my life i'm going to suicide way" Atleast ten times a day.

What is your deepest fear?
I shan't say, that is a little to personal for my liking.

Do you REALLY love all your family?
Yes, i do.

What do you want to believe in?
I already beleive in everything i want to beleive in, albeit that isn't much, but still.

Do you have a secret crush on someone?
lol well if i did and i told you then it wouldn't be a secret would it? But no i don't anyway.

Are you proud of who you are?

Do you feel alone even in crowded rooms?
Ahh, here's where my issues arise.

Sometimes i feel stupidly claustrophobic and want to die.

Sometimes i feel like the room is totally empty and want to die.

Sometimes i get drunk and dance.

What is the worst thing a person could do to you and still be forgiven?
Oh for fucks sake. Well, i forgive everyone don't i because thats just fucking me and i just let everyone get away with everything, or atleast i did so i don't know if i could come out with the worst thing anyone could ever do and still be forgiven and even if i wanted to it would take a decade for me to type out so i'm going to just go ahead and say up until recently... James.

anyone that knows me knows exactly what i mean, anyone that reads my blog knows partially what i mean. lol.

You're dying in ten seconds, what are your last words to your best friend?
"Look what you've gone and done now"
lmfao. your worst enemy?
I don't think i have one.

Do you care if people hate you?
Not really, alot of people do for some reason.

Freedom or safety?

Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names:
Hmm i wonder who Lou's message was too.
I'm sorry baby ly (})

that wasn't my message btw that was just a thing to Lou.

Okay message time.


"Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

Has a song ever made you cry?
God yes, they used to all the time, not so much nowadays though i don't really know why, if i've had a drink or i'm already depressed they might though.

A book ever made you cry?
Lou ily! haha. Yes several books have actually.

My favoriteeees.

Infact, almost every book i've ever read has made me cry.

(bar childrens books and such lol)

Is the world crumbling to pieces?
What? Like a biscuit?
Christ, I'm scared now...I don't want it to crumble...I want it to stay together...
LOL, now I've got Bruce Almighty stuck in my head...

"And that's how the cookie crumbles"

I had to leave Lou's answer there because it made me Jizz.

Name on moment where you couldn't control your rage:
No thankyou.

Name one moment where you sincerely wanted to just die:
Tuesday 9th September 2004.

There have been other times but that one sticks in my head.

For the last one, just say anything you want, anything at all:
(8)I wanna be loved by you just you and nobody else but you... i wanna be loved by you alloooonnneeeeee.


Oh and by the way, i am still taking a gazillion daily photographs of Justin but i can't get them onto the computer at the moment. :(

Justin is currently lying on his playmat and by the sounds of it doing an extra large poo. :) Funtimes. lol. I'm really looking forward to the residential tomorrow. :) Like stupidly so. and to blackpool next weekend! bring it on!!! Then again, my internet still wont let me book the hotel so it might not be as good as i'm hoping! lol. Money money money, everything costs silly amounts of money lol. I'm trying to book it again now lol. DAMN MY INTERNET! the god damned prices have gone up. Oh dear lol. Oh well, i guess nothing can be done about that. lol. So i need £108 for the hotel £120 in key deposits £40 for the residential god knows how much for the cinema on sunday and god knows how much for food & drink & such in blackpool, not including fags. (don't worry i have enough nappies, milk, wipes and such to look after an entire nursery for a week lmao.) Well, not that much, but i deffinately have enough, so anyway that comes to a total of... £268 not including the cinema, food, fags and drink... So about £350? Possibly, infact probably more... I have in my bank...
Actually i don't even know, hang on i'll check. About £360. including my savers damn it lol. I'll work something out. Money for my birthday anyone? lolz! right i'm off to phone Lou & get her to print out the forms for the resi for me and bring them over peace & love ya'll. x

Lou can't bring me down the forms today because she's too busy damn her so i'm hoping my dad wont mind stopping of there on the way to or from james' tonight otherwise i can't go on the resi (i need them tonight so my dad can sign them before i go) Which i imagine i'll be leaving about half 4 tomorrow? That being before my dad gets home from work lol. Justin's munching on his hands like they're bloody chocolate bless him. He just picked up his dummy and attempted to put it in his mouth but mised, i say just but it was about 20 mins ago lol. Haha, how ridiculous am i, i was singing i wanna be loved by you by Marilyn monroe when i got to the 3rd "i wanna be..." i went totally blank forgot was i was doing and sang "a prouducerrrr" lmfaooo i laughed for a stupid amount of time yet it wasn't funny in the slightest i'm a prat. lol.

I made the mistake today of cuddling up with Justin on the sofa today for a nap and then all day when he got tired refused to sleep anywhere but the sofa with me lol, it was nice though. :) bless him he's been so good today, very hungry though lol. He's just gone to bed perfectlyy :) Such a good little babyyy. I can't wait for the Resi tomorrow i'm really excited. I wonder if my dad would let me borrow his digital camera? I'll ask him in a bit, going to James' to pick some stuff up in a bit and to Lou's to get the forms lol. I'm going to miss eastenders tonight and friday! damnit i can't even watch the omnibus sunday haha! catch up tv on mondayy!!!! lol. Damn i had something else to say too but i don't remember what, i'm sure i'll remember at some point though, probably while im on the way out and then i'll totally forget again when it comes to blogging later, saying that i'll probably go straight to bed when i get back i'm really tired! oh damn that was it! I thought i'd be clever and use some hair removal cream for the fun of it, turns out i've had a huge allergic reaction so i'm red itchy and blotchy from the waist down AND to top it off, my legs are STILL hairy. lol. MLIC. hahahaha I love it.

Major LOLZ at James givvin it the biggun just because his mate was there. Ami came with me and my dad waited outside in the car just incase there was trouble but everything was pretty alright in all fairness haha. LMFAO at him tohugh, SERIOUSLY. when is that KID going to grow up? lmfao. I actually think he was trying to look "good" infront of said mate, i was embarassed for him, lol. Here's a conversation snippet...
*Me & Ami just generally chatting"
James - Yeah now you have a husband and a boyfriend"
Me - "yeah James, we're seperated, over, done get over it"
James - "Seperated because you're a slag!"
Lmfao and then as we left he slammed the door with ridiculous force! how hilarious.
Ew, he sickens me lol.


he's telling Mike i slept with him, ew, how absoloutly vile. I doubt he's bathed since i left. for the record, i haven't, i wouldn't, i couldn't, i'd sooner gouge my own eyes out, infront of a mirror.

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