MONDAY 15TH JUNE 2009
"Awake, decided against baby group, hungover."
Justins munching on his toast bless him. Instead of going to baby group i am planning on sorting out the rest of the flat, i didn't get very far last night being drunk is great for putting up furniture but not so good for actually tidying up.
I have my "the songs" album back, its like, a bunch of amazing beautiful songs, problem being i only have disk one because disk two was nowhere to be seen, but i shall tell you whats on them both anyway. Disk two is my favorite because it has train - drops of jupiter on.
Plain white t's - hey there delilah
the fray - how to save a life
coldplay - fix you
peter, bjorn & john feat. victoria bergsman - young folks
kt tunstall - hold on
the kooks - she moves in her own way
oasis - the masterplan
embrace - gravity
cherry ghost - people help the people
ben's brother - let me out
nerina pallot - geek love
paolo nutini - rewind
massive attack - teardrop
athlete - wires
jose gonzales - hand on your heart
marie digby - umbrella
john legend - ordinary people
the zutons - confusion
catherine feeny - mr blue
norah jones - come away with me
Corrine bailey rae - put your records on
lily allen - littlest things
moby - extreme ways
primal scream - movin on up
the coral - dreaming of you
david bowie - changes
supergrass - moving
travis - why does it always rain on me
donovan - sunshine superman
turin brakes - painkiller
richard hawley - just like the rain
kings of convinience - toxic girl
badly drawn boy - nothings gonna change your mind
the magic numbers - forever lost
train - drops of jupiter
breaks co-op - the otherside
gossip - coal to diamonds
jeff buckley - last goodbye
leonard cohen - hallelujah
imogen heap - hide and seek
Good or what? But i only have disk one and i'm on track 7 already lol. Oooh justins finished his toast now so i'm just going to go and give him his bottle and probably run away to start sorting out my rom, again, this is going to take forever, i can't see it being done by tomorrow to be honest because i've got the youth council meeting tonight which means i'm not really going to get a chance to do much today... shame. Anyways i'm off to try. :) x
Justin is demanding i get him up, well Justin was demanding i got him up so i did, i've doen a fair bit of my rom to be fair but it is still a state, i thought my biggest problem would be not having enough space for my clothes but so far my only clothes related problems are i don't know where to put my pj's or my jackets and coats and cardigans and i don't have enough hangers but i have enough space so it's all good, my real problem is i happen to have about 20 more belts than i thought i had, not good not good. no space no space, infact hang on i'm going to go and count how much stuff i have.
1 pair of shorts
1 pair of combats
5 pairs of jeans
22 pairs of shoes
Countless amounts of odd shoes
& god knows how many tops
But i do still have alot to go through lol.... I have chucked away 2-3 big black bags of clothes and shoes though lol.
I LIKE YOU SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU'RE NAKED! :)
I'm listening to now whatever now it is disk two. :)
I feel really impatient now lol, all i want to do is go and get my room finished lol. Problem is it gets to a point where there isn't that much left to do (but still alot lol) and you don't know what to do/where to start. lol.
I need to buy a mat to go under Justins high chair because he makes a right mess especially when he has toast lol! It's all over my floor. :(
I really want to finish my room lol, i'll have to wait until Justin has had his dinner and goes to bed after that, saying that i need to wash and make up some bottles and tidy up my kitchen a bit, problem being that now i have so many bags of rubbish i'm not sure if i can actually physically carry them down, even one by one lol i have about 3 of clothes and shoes about 3 of rubbish (not just from my room) and they're all heavy lol.
I've come to the conclusion that my mirror placement may be a sexual problem. lol.
I have an orange pay as you go sim card now so i'm going to top it up tomorrow Louisa said you can get it so that if you top up by £30 you get unlimited texts though so i'm going to ask her about that tonight, not that i really have £30 to top my phone up with lol.
I still haven't given up smoking, i had some left from yestedays pack but me and Kirsty said we would give up today so i'm just not going to buy any more once i've finished these, i only have about 3 left, i've been saying this for about 3 weeks now haven't i? damn.
Did i say i have borrowed my dads ps2 and i have a dance mat two dance mat games and crash bandicoot and spryo year of the dragon? I'm well chuffed, atleast i would be if i knew how to set it/could be bothered to set it up/had the time to play it even if i did set it up. lol.
Eurgh, cd has finished and i really cant be bothered to attempt to put another one on so i am going to sit here in silence apart from the noise Justin is making playing with his toys which isn't much. I need to get up and tidy up and perhaps have something to eat and drink because i feel rather energyless though i don't actually know what i have if anything to eat lol. I don't do my shopping until tomorrow so i'm like old mother hubbard at the moment though i don't have a dog and therefore wouldn't have a bone in my cupboard anyway.
Oh my, my laptop was doing odd things then, it was rather alarming, anyways i had a bacon sarnie and a glass of orange juice and it as most delightful. I need to be ready to take Justin to the childminders by 5 later which gives me 5 and a half hours to have a shower and get dressed get justin dressed and ready and get his stuff ready and do everything i need to do before then such as making up bottles tidying up under Justins highchair vaccing the living room finishing my bedrom and hopefully cleaning the bathroom if i get a chance, also obviously feeding and changing Justin as appropriate lol.
I'm really looking forward to how pretty my room is going to be once i'm finished, even though i'll hopefully be moving out of here soonish and will have to do it all all over again :( lol. I hate moving i've done it far too many times. Around about 9 i think, soon (hopefully) to be ten and then once i've finished college it will hopefully be 11 and then once i've finished uni 12... lol :(
9 is bad enough, it means i've basically moved once every 2 years... lol.
What a sham lol.
Anyway i think i am going to go and have a cigarette and listen to some music and then vac the living room and wash and make up some bottles for Justin and by that time hopefully my little justin will be sleepy so i can put him to bed and finsih off my bedroom, not that it is going to be so quick that i can do it in the time it takes Justin to have a nap especially because in that time i willalso have to have a shower but i can get a start on finishing it atleast lol.
Lol Justins playing with a little cuddly toy bulldog, he seems to love him very much. :) he's quacking at him and appears to be strangling him but i'm sure he's doing it with love lol.
I have like, two hours until i have to be ready to go, my room is like 99.9% done and i am very very proud but now the restof the flat just looks a state in comparism lol.
I have no cigarettes left and i really really want to go buy some lol.
I'm thinking i can do the rest of the flat when i get back later while Justins in bed and then i can go to bed and then i can do Justins room tomorrow morning while he's in the livingroom playing with his toys lol. :)
I can ride my bike with no handlebars....
I hated that song when it first came out but now im like oh, i quite like it actually lol.
My back is fucking killing me, i need to get dressed and get Justin dressed lol. I might have to go and buy fags and be discusted with myself but i don't care lol.
I think i am going to make a list of things i still need to do.
Get Justin dressed
make up bottles
vac living room (& everywhere else to be honest)
put washing away
wash more clothes
tidy up Justin's toys from the living room
tidy up Justins room
take the rubbish out
go to veiras
Recon i can do that and be ready to leave at five?
I hope so. I can't be bothered to go to this meeting im so tired and my back is killing me i am only going because it is special and for Louisa's sake lol.
Also at some point but obviously not before five i want to save all my pictures onto a usb stick and go and print them so i can stick them on my wall because the blackpool pictures look all lonely up there on their own :( poor things lol.
Right i can't waste time sitting on here then can i... So i best be off. x
Just got in from the meeting and i'm having a much needed fag, not that it was ressful, i just need a fag lol.
So, i'm going to copy and paste my list minus everything i did before i left...
make up bottles
vac living room (& everywhere else to be honest)
wash more clothes
take the rubbish out
So i still have that to do but i'm going to have a bit of a break for a moment first, though not for too long or i'll end up just going to bed and i have no bottles for the morning at the moment.
I was going to finish the flat off tomorrow morning but i'm hoping to go to my dads and borrow the internet to put my pictures onto a card or stick or something so i can go to boots and print them out. So in addition to that list i also need to...
Put the washing up away
Do a little bit of washing up
Put that away
Clear up downstairs where the prams are.
Oh, i thought there was more than that i can have that done by 11 i think, hope anyway because i wanna be in bed by like half 11 12 at the lastest so i can actually get a decent bit of sleep tonight lol.
It was really nice to see georgie and nicolee i never see them out of youth council really expecially now i have no phone lol.
I even spoke to lauren, she went to download, i'm so jealous. :(:( lol.
Justins gone straight to bed after coming from the childminders which is a nice supprise because when i picked him up he seemed really really wide awake and i thought eurgh its going to take me hours to get him to go to sleep but he seems fine lol.
Anyways i guess i'm going to be off and i'll do the bottles first because that way when i'm finished everything else they will be ready to make up and stick in the fridge for tomorrow lol :)
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow at 4pm, i can't forget though i probably will lol.
I am proud to say at 2 mins to 11 that i have a perfectly spotless flat and i have made up bottles not only that i've had a cup of tea and a sarnie and written a shopping list for tomorrow.
Only thing i'm waiting on is the washing machine to finish so that i can put the clothes up to dry and put another load in because there really is alot to be washed! lol it's embarassing how high my pile of washing goes up the wall lol.
In all honesty i do need to vac up Justins room but hes sleeping at the moment (obviously) and i don't plan to go in there and wake him up just for the sake of having a tidy flat, it's not worth it lol.
Tomorrow i have to get up half hour before Justin and have a shower and get dressed and then i shall give Justin his breakfast and get him dressed and put another washing load on and then it will be off to my dads to put hopefully atleast 200 pictures onto a memory card/usb stick and then off to chelmsley to get them printed and then home to stick them on my wall and then Mikes coming over around 3 as per usual for a tuesday and pretty merry since i haven't seen him since saturday morning lol.
Then i have the doctors at 4 and then Kirsty and Dan are coming over on the night for a drink atleast they are as far as i am aware lol.
Then the day after that I'M GOING TO MEET JEREMY KYLEEEEE. :)
Excited much, i'll say.
Tidy flat tidy flat tidy flat. :)
I'm going to go to bed in a moment once i've finished playing spider solitare and if the washing isn't finished then i'll just put another load on tomorrow or something because i can't sit up waiting for it to stop lol. Night all. :)
TUESDAY 16TH JUNE 2009.
I am up and Justin is having his breakfast, i've showered and dressed and done my hair and makeup and i am going to get Justin dressed once he's done and vac under his chair because toast is messy.
Then i'll be off to my daddys in the hopes of getting all the pictures i need lol.
I'm going to a fashion show at south birmingham on the 25th of this month, i've ased Kirsty to come with me :) lol i'm quite looking forward to it but i'm not sure what i'm going to do babysitter wise.
I have a lovely glass of orange juice and no cigarettes and that is good because i am trying to give up, so, today is (hopefully) the day. :) Anyways i need to put last weeks blog on my usb stick so i can upload it at my dads. :) tattybyes. :)
WEDNESDAY 17TH JUNE 2009
Firstly i am going to say sorry because when i put my blog onto my memory stick to post (last weeks) i accidently put this blog onto it and therefore havent managed to post last weeks yet but i will try to do so tomorrow.
Now i am going to tell you that i still haven't given up smoking and i don't even care though i haddn't had a cigarette in about 4 hours until the one i just smoked and for some reason i'm feeling abit ill and i couldn't even finish it because it made me feel really sick.
Now i'll tell you that i am re-reading one of my favorite books after finishing the perks of being a wallflower for the 1000th time i am reading the rich shall inherit by elizabeth adler and it is an amazing book that i just love to bits.
Now i'll tell you that today i've been in a terrible mood because im just sick of everyone taking me for granted and wel it's just annoying.
And now i'm going to tell you that today, i met jeremy kyle :) I have the pictures and a signed book that i really couldn't afford but brought anyway to prove it and it was an amazing ten seconds lol. :) Justin fell asleep on me while we were queuing so i had to carry him and he asked me how old he was and told me how his baby was 11 weeks and awh, he was lovely and very skinny. lol.
I also brought the best of the cardigans to cheer me up. :) Asin the band not asin an actual cardigan.
I think Dan and Kirsty are supposed to be coming over for a drink again tonight but i don't know if they are or not because Kirsty said they'd be here around nine and they haven't even text me, i don't really mind though because i do actually feel really ill. I'm not sure why. Mike isn't coming i did ask him to this morning but he said no.
I really don't get him sometimes but i can't be bothered to go into that right now.
I don't know when i'm seeing him next either but whatever i guess. He said he dosn't think he can babysit on saturday either and that he will let me know but it is a little more than annoying considering the only reason i even went (reluctantly i must add) for the job was becuse he convinced me saying that he would happily babysit every other saturday night when James didn't have Justin.
Christ it's like 5 to ten i think i'm going to have a drink and then go to bed if i'm honest Kirsty still hasn't text me back and i have a killer headache and feel really sick and i have no clue why, its actually really annoying i've been reading in bed since Justin went to sleep and i've been fine but as soon as i got up i felt terrible. I really don't know why. :( I might have a bath or a shower or something
Ohh Kirstys just text me lol she's not coming over tonight because shes just got back from asda and she's going to go and read her book (Jeremy kyles autobiography) lol bless her.
I guess i will just go to bed then, i feel like crap to be fair. Eurgh. xx
THURSDAY 18TH JUNE 2009
Bare your fangs and burn my wings i hear bullets singing...
You're the storm, the cardigans. :) My favorite cardigans song lol.
I am only up this early because Justins nappy came undone in the night so he woke up wet and upset at 7am.
Anyway i have something to say and that is that i am incredibly confused/upset/annoyed with the Mike situation of life.
I sent him a message on facebook yesterday asking if he was coming over for a drink last night and to let me know because if not i would ask someone else because as i explain to Kirsty i hate feeling like a 3rd wheel so the plan was to ask Sydney or Ami or something but as you know we didn't have a drink in the end anyway because i wasn't feeling well and Kirsty couldn' be bothered lol.
Anyway... Mike phoned me at like 1am (I'm not joking 1am) asking if Kirsty and Dan had come over for a drink and i said no and he asked who else i'd invited over or whatever and i said noone because noone came over because i wasn't well and such and he asked if he'd woken me up and i said yes and he said okay i'll let you get back to sleep and i said okay bye i love you and he said "bye" and hung up.
Practically every part of our relationship is written on this blog, so can someone please for the love of god tell me what on earth i have done/am doing wrong here? I can't be bothered with this, i'm not twelve anymore i don't have time for the whole "oohh he said cya later but do you think that means he will come over later or do you think he just meant like, cya around cya later..." I really don't because i can't be bothered with it.
I noticed last night that practically every day i think about just packing up and leaving for somewhere else, i don't mean leaving everything, clearly i would take Justin with me i'm not talking about leaving my life and starting again completely i'm just talking about getting away. And every day i want to do that and if i wasn't for funding and starting college in september, i would i really would.
I kind of think i should have a life that i don't want to pack up and get away from, don't you? I think everyone should have the kind of life where they don't feel the need to get away from it.
But whatever, god knows when i'm going to hear from Mike again but i can't even be bothered to care to be honest i guess i'll see him when he can be bothered to come over, probably next tuesday when he wants a drink with me and Kirsty and Dan but i'm hardly going to sit around waiting for him, i really really really really really can NOT be bothered with this, its fucking bullshit, you can hardly call it a relationship. Whatever.
Anyway i'm going to go back to bed until Justin gets back up later 'cuz i'm too tired and pissed off to do anything else, i guess i'll tidy up when i get up and possibly go to my dads to post last weeks god damn blog that i keep forgetting to post lol.
I wonder if Mike's changed his status on facebook, it was still single so i sent him a comment thingy saying "still single?" god knows, probably not, oh well. Like i keep saying, i can't be bothered to give a shit.
I'm off. x
FRIDAY 19TH JUNE 2009
Justin is kind of crawling. Well he gets onto his hands and knees and moves his hands forwards and then kind of drags his legs behind him lol but he's managed to get accross the room like it. How adorable.
My mom phoned me not long ago, she read my blog and wanted to see if i'm okay, my dad phoned me yesterday too to see if i was okay... lol. Anyway moms going to phone again later. :)
Justins just slammed his head into the telly unit, silly thing.
Awh the poor things got a bruise already, silly thing lol. :(
Anita's just left, she's left her keys here and i can't even phone, i'm not really sure what to do, i hope she comes back for them/has spare ones until she comes round next. lol.
Still don't have a babysitter for work tomorrow Kirsty said she might be able to do it so i'm hoping that she can but got knows i'll go down there later and ask her but i'm not going to go yet because when i go i have to give the playstation thing back to my dad and i don't want to yet, i did say i'd give it back today though. :( lol.
I do need to go out asap to be honest because i need to go and buy fags i've only got two left as far as i am aware, posibly one actually.
Awh Justins being miserable now, i might put him to bed he seems quite tired but i'm scared to now because he's just banged his head... hmmm.
I need to have a shower and get dressed and put the washing away and hang some washing up and put some more washing in and wash some bottles up and tidy up a bit, can i be bothered, not really.
I will though, but i think i'm going to go and make myself a cup of tea first. lol. adios :) x
SATURDAY 20TH JUNE 2009.
Justin woke up early again today so he's sat merrily in his highchair munching on toast bless him. :) I'm listening to the best of the cardigans :) fun times lol.
I went to see Ami yesterday, well i had nothing to do for the mot prt of the day so i was taking Justin for a stupidly long and pointless walk and thought oh i haven't seen Ami for ages so i'll go see her, she was ill in bed dying of swine flu lmao poor thing bless her it's been ages since i've seen her though so that was nice. :)
Awh, Justins stil got a big bruise on his head from yesterday the poor thing :(
My mom phoned me last night and we had a little chat, that was nice too :)
I'm reading flowers in the attic at the moment, just another one of those books i've read a hundred times or more, but i do love it lol.
I think afterwards though i should read my red dwarf book simply because i need something merry and funny after this and the rich shall inherit lol.
Ooooh hang on i'm just getting Justin his bottle :)
Bless him, i officialy have no bottles made up now so i need to wash sterilise and make some up at some point before half 1 today lol.
What else do i have to do today?
I need to have a shower and get dressed and get Justin dressed and i want to pop into my dads so i can give him his book back
and i need to put away some washing and put some washing up to dry and put some more in to wash...
I genuinely think that that is all i have to do today, i'll probably pop to veiras too because i have 7 fags left but they should be enough to last me atleast most of the morning, i need to get some milk too and if i can i could do with getting some baby food, well some baby dessert so i guess i'll take a walk later on probably after i've fed Justin (at half one not now) to the payphone to see if my dad is in and then to veira's and to my dads and then to morrisons and then well, back home.
I'm suposed to be at work tonight but i can't get a babysitter, how annoying is that, especially considering before i took the job Mike convinced me to go for it because he would babysit every other saturday... Well, i guess its just one more thing not going to plan really isn't it.
I need to try and find a babysitter for thursday night too because me and Kirsty and going to a fashion show at south birmingham college lol. :)
I might try and have a word with James and see if he could start having Justin every saturday instead of every other saturday though i'm sure you can all imagine how that would go...
Wow i'm shattered for now i think i am going to skip through my favorite songs on this disk and then off to bed again until about ten lol. xx
Well, i did go back to bed but i didn't sleep, i finished reading my book. You know i think there's something wrong with my head today i'd made three typing mistakes before i'd even finished that sentance. And about six more in that one... lol.
Justins being miserable he hasn't slept all morning and he's getting tired so i put him to bed and he is far from happy with me now lol.
I'm still listening to the cardigans, i always do that don't i, i pick a cd and i'll listen to it on repeat for about a week sometimes even more before i change the cd. Unless Mikes round because he always changes the cd. lol.
I just made a jacket potato but for some reason it was horrible and i couldn't wat it, i don't think it was actually horrible but you know when for some unknown reason you're not hungry and you physically can't eat because it makes you feel sick, but you don't feel ill? Lol thats how i feel. I only made food because it felt like it was a decent time to make some food lol.
You know, i remember days where i wouldn't get out of bed until this time, sometimes even later and well now, i'm up at 8:30am at the very latest, every morning, even when i've been to work i wake up at 8:30 sunday mornings automatically without setting my alarm, luckily though sometimes i get to just go back to sleep. lol.
Todays been weird though for some reason i feel like it should be atleast 4 in the afternoon and it's only just midday lol.
Oooh i've developed a right passion for orange juice at the moment i think it might be because i only have enough milk left for one more cup of tea and i've only had one cup of tea today and the only other thing to drink has been orange juice but in the past like, three days i think i've gone through a carton and a half of the stuff lol.
It's weird because i always think i hate it but when i drink it i actually really like it lol :)
Awh Justin's still moaning bless him saying that i only put him down like ten mins ago if that. lol.
I'm going to have a fag and then if he is still moaning when i'm done i'll get him up and feed him abit early and then he can go for his nap, saying that i plan to go out once i've fed him and he rarely sleeps in his pram anymore, it's cot or nothing recently bless him apart from wednesday when he fell asleep on me the poor thing bless him.
Anyway i'm off to smoke and drink orange juice and listen to the cardigans and then probably get Justin up and feed him and then i'll be off to my dads and Kirstys and Veira's and morrisons and probably somewhere on green lane too just because i can't help myself from spending money on things i don't even need or want such as crisps and magazines, i might buy some ice cream though because my plan is to watch beaches tonight and it isn't complete without icecream lol. :)
Tattybyes for now. xx
SUNDAY 21ST JUNE 2009
Happy fathers day to all the daddies out there, especially mine because i don't know where i'd be if it wasn't for him especially recently. I couldn't afford to get him a present but i'm pretty sure he understands. :)
I totally forgot it was sunday but i already told you that on my blog.
My brother stayed over last night, fun times.
There's a relationship trauma going on but i've already kinda explained that too.
What i really came on to say sounds so stupid i'm almost embarassed to say it.
I have read the first 31 pages of Jeremy Kyles book and though everyone says it about every book imaginable, i genuinely think it has changed my life, or atleast inspired me to change my life.
Now in my opinion i am nothing like the kind of person he outlines in the begining of his book, but either way, it is ispireing (damn my spelling)
Problem being i'm not exactly sure how to go about it if i'm honest.
I mean i work and i'm starting college in september and i guess thats a start but i figure it's going to be a long process.
But basically, i figure the most important thing here, is to get the fuck over myself. So starting now, that is the plan.
Well, ish. I need some kind of a life plan really don't i? I guess that would be a good idea/start.
I guess though that i wil figure that out once i've been to college and hopefully uni, hey maybe if i get into london i'll stay there, i don't know what the future has in store, but either way i'm going to make it a good one for me and for Justin. 'cuz other people are going to come and go and keep on coming and going for the rest of my life but what is really important is me and him because we will always be here. :)
Thats pretty much all i had to say really.
I brought some milk earlier so i can finally have a cup of tea. :) yay for me lol.
I need to hang the wahing up and wash up some bottles for the baba :) lol.
Justins idea of crawling is just the cutest thing i've ever seen bless him, he kind of drags his legs behind him awh. :)
I'm quite looking forward to baby group tomorrow morning i haven't been for a couple of weeks because, well in all honesty because i've been pretty selfish and i haven't "felt" like it.
But i shall deffinately be there tomorrow and every other monday untill they stop doing the group that is... lol.
Ohhh, i'm quite hungry i don't think i've got any food in though to be honest, i need to do the shopping but my money dosn't come in until tuesday, i really do keep thinking it's monday but it isn't. :(.
Kirsty and Dan are babysitting while i'm at youth council on tuesday so i don't have to take Justin to the childminders which makes life easier because it means i can just walk to the meeting (because it's round the corner) instead of having to get a taxi, not that i pay for the taxi myself, but still.
& i'm contemplating asking Louisa to come to mine beforehand because then i'll actually get to see her outside of work and youth council for a little bit before we go and also because then she wont have to get a taxi either lol.
Brrrr, it's a little chilly today, well actually i dunno the weather has been odd today ne moment it's too hot and i have to take my cardie off or burn to death and then it's freezing and not only do i want my cardie but 100 blankets too lol.
:( I feel sick lol. Oooh i've lost half a pound lol not that that is major interesting news but since i moved from walsall all together i've lost about 9 pounds which is pretty good in a loosing weight healthily way. :) Also pretty good considering i lost loads but then put loads back on and blah blah blah i've basically been bouncing from 9 to 10 stone for ages, but i think i'm doing pretty good now. :)
(9.35) incase you were wondering lol. I'm not sure where that puts me on the bmi scale but i'm pretty sure its not bad lol. :)
Saying that, i am incredibly short.
Saying that, i am taller than Louisa.
Oh how that fact can cheer me up. :)
I am very much enjoying listening to the cardigans on repeat at the moment and the album cover is wicked though i've probably said that already if not i'm supprised.
Anyway i'm off for a wee and a cup of tea and such. :) x
and to end this wonderful blog, here is the end of mine and Mikes conversation so far...
21 June at 22:58
look this is not about you and i don't know what i want i'm at a loss your not a fail. i'm just really bricking it. i'm just fucked up, and when you finished with me i thought the answer was to get back with you. now all i think about is when your going to finish with me again (i know you might not) but i can't help the way i feel ive been fucked around by woman for years and i'm at a breaking point. i'm sorry i'm rambling
21 June at 23:11
i dont plan on finising with you but ok i understand and im here when your ready and have worked things out. i love you. I want you to be happy with me or otherwise and im sorry you feel the way you do. x
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21 June at 23:23
i have no idea what i want anymore baby
21 June at 23:35
wel theres nufin i can say to that other than ok i guess. x
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Today at 00:19
so what do we do now then?
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Today at 09:44
i dunno... what do you want to do
Today at 11:08
i knew you were going to say that, balls in your court.