It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid.

It is idle to dread what you cannot avoid. - Publius Syrus

00:35am.
My money hasn't come in, not even the tax credits i'm waiting for but probably wont get for ages. The DLA that has come in every fourth tuesday withouth fail for years. Wow, i'm fucked. I'm not even depressed. I'm in that stage where you either kill yourself or go onto auto pilot. I'm on auto pilot. I'm like a robot right now. I don't know what to do. Wow, I'm really well and truly fucked now. Wow, I'm fucked. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I, well I erm. I don't know, I just don't know. Wow, what the fuck do i do now. Erm, oh fuck. Well, I guess i just hope i checked to early. But it usually goes in at dead on twelve. Oh, fuck. Well it seems atleast the reclaim link is working now. well, the form opens, sadly it also freezes the internet. Oh fuck.

Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
My money hasn't gone in.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
awh ffs
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Not even the tax credits im owed but will be waiting ages for.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
the DLA that has gone in every 4th tuesday without fail since i was 13.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
whats changed
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Nothing.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
fucking hell. cunts
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Yes.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
grrr
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
phone them first thing
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I don't have the number.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
christ
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Oh fuck.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
whatt
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Nothing.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Just, oh fuck.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I need to pay things.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I need to buy things.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I can't get any more money.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Oh, fuck.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I was relying on this.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
This was plan z.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Now, i'm fucked.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
whats gonna happen if you don't
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I, don't know.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I need to pay rent.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I need to paymy phone bill.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I need to buy Justin's milk and nappies.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I don't know what to do.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
maybe they'll go in at an awkward time
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
No, twelve, every fourth tuesday for 5 years.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Exept one tuesday when it went in at 1pm.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
What if lloyds have frozen my account because i'm overdrawn?
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Can they do that?
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
maybe
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I'm only £27.29 DR.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
phone el bank?
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
At 10 to 1am?
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
tomorrow when you get up
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Yes.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
im so sorry...i truly do not know what to do.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
if you were nearby
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
id give you a fag
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I got a letter the other day about my christmas bonus, so i know i'm getting it, or supposed to be getting it.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I have a fag.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
The good ones.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
But i figure, they will be my last.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
So i'm saving them.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
yeahh...awh hun *hugs* so id give you a b&h gold to last ya
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Its okay, thankyou anyway.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
np...im gonna talk to mom - see if she understand whats going on with it when she gets up
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
ok.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
don't get worked up though
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
you'll work yourself into a ground
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
*hole
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
lol that makes more sense!
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Yes.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I got happy that the links were working.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
But now the internet has frozen.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I'm trying again now.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
No.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Again it has frozen the internet.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
awh fuck...
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Yes.
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
justins back tomorrow
Archie. Today For You, Tomorrow For Me Jess - The Reason To Be Around says:
keep saying that
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
Yes.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
And he will starve.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
I'm such a bad mom.
Jess. http://jessisamazing.blogspot.com/ .Lou says:
How could i let this happen.

Ffs, wtf am i going to do now. How could i let this fucking happen. I'm such a bad fucking mom! fuck. I'm going out.


12:09pm.
Wow, i was down last night, to say the least. Thankfully, this morning i've woken up much happier. I have AMAZING friends and i know whatever life throws at me, i can get through it with them at my side. I don't need to mention names because i know you know who you are, i love you all so much. and also, my money went in this morning, not all of it, but some, enough to get me by. :) I love you all so fucking much. x

14:32pm.
Justin's back, i'm so fucking happy. Meeting soon, lets hope it goes well. I've lost my bank card! How stupid of me. So i've got to go to the bank after my meeting, if it isn't super long, bank shuts at half 4! Otherwise i'll go tomorrow at some point, but i've got the health visitor coming over aswell so i'll have to work around it. God i'm busy this month. :) I'm so happy. I'm so bipolar, lol. Its silly. Which reminds me, must phone doctors. Right, I'm off to play with Justin/call the doctors. x

17:03pm.
Meeting over, 40 mins late. Oh well... Apparently i have a high score but it could take anything from 2 weeks to 4 months. I've been waiting since Justin was 5 weeks old, he's 12 weeks old today... and it could be another 16 weeks... Bummer. Hopefully it wont take that long though, hopefully. I phoned the doctors earlier but the phone line shuts at 12 and opens again at four so i'll ring them again in a moment. I should probably put some clothes on to take Justin for his walk in half hour, but i'll only take them off again when i get home, fuck it, i'll just put trainers and a coat on, noone will notice/care. Then again last time i said that some random bloke yelled "nice jammies" lol, it was quite funny mind. I need to buy things but no chance i would have made it to the bank i only have 15 mins until it shut when the meeting finished so i guess i'll just go tomorrow morning, i don't THINK i'm busy, ah, yes, health visitor... i'll just check what time she's coming now... Ah, turns out its 11am on thursday, asif i wasn't busy enough thursday already... lol. atleast that leaves me free to go to the bank tomorrow... Time to call the doctors. I have an appointment at 9:50 on friday. :) DAMN, i have my campaign dvd recording thingy 8-10 friday... Oh bum. I'm SO busy this week its stupid. I need a bloody filofax/diary/whatever you want to call it. Like, i seriously need one, but i'm THAT busy i need a bloody page a day one.

19:02pm.
I'm not going to be on late tonight i don't think. I'm going to stay on until half seven but then i'm going to watch eastenders and go to bed, i could do with an early night i think. Justin's gone straight to sleep tonight no faffing about at all, though i don't think he enjoyred his bath earlier lol he screamed for the most of it, then he shut up and started enjoying it but then it got cold so i had to take him out, que more screaming lol. Awh he is sweet... :) I've not had much to write today, i've been too busy with actual things to have too many thoughts to write about. I hope i get a place soon. I'm really starting to look forward to it. hopefully it will happen soon. I hope so. If i say hope once more i may shoot myself. But i'm looking forward to it. I've decided also that i can't be bothered with checking the bank at 12 every night because apparently my money dosn't like to come in at 12 anymore considering last night. and also i figure my mojney will come in when it comes in and its unlikely that i'm going to get it in at 12 and all of a sudden decide i need to go out, for startest where would i go at 12pm with a baby? lol. So i'm just going to wait for my letter in the post to tell me when my money's coming in. Obviously though i'll check it tomorrow morning before i go to the bank so i know exactly how much i'm getting out. I can't believe i lost my card. I refure to call for another one though because i KNOW its somewhere. atleast if i don't have my card to stick into all the chip and pin things at the shops i will spend less because there will be no impulse buys because i'll only have with me the cash i need with me. :) that was i hopefully wont end up overdrawn again lol. :) To be honest mind i'm not supporsed to be able to go overdrawn and i have no direct debits or anything like that obviously so its entirely the banks fault that they allowed me to take out money i didn't have. I can understand why they would do that to someone older so they can charge them for going overdrawn but they don't charge under 19's so i don't see the point realy, they don't gain from it and neither do i... lol. Silly bank. I might end up being forced to watch survivors tonight aswell. I say forced but i do enjoy it lol. either way i'm going to bed early tonight. The spell checker is broken again by the way. & here is a photo of Justin looking like a twister mat. :) You can also quite clearly see the new pj's Louisa got me. :)

ly all xxx