Sunday, 30 November 2008

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.

No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings. - William Blake

15:22pm.
Can you believe i just woke up? How terribly lazy. I'm ashamed. So i have nothing to write about as of yet really. I'm going to Kirsty's in a second to see the puppy and then I'm coming back to tidy up the bedroom. Oh and i owe Cathryn £7 lol. Post secret today though so I'm rather exited. :)



I like this one, but to be honest post secret hasn't been as good as usual recently. I'm going to send mine in as soon as i can afford stamps. Let me know if you see one you think is mine. :P

Just to claify, the secrets above are ones from this sundays post secret blog, not my own...


16:00pm.
Just got back from seeing the doggy at Kirsty's, now generally I'm petrified of doggys but this one is so bloody tiny and cute, i can't remember for the life of me what she said it was but ahh, the little thing is adorableee. :) I love her lol. So, whats the betting my money wont come in tonight/tomorrow? You know, the last day it could come in and be within their 30 day thing? I recon it won't... I will genuinely be surprised if it does but i will also be going out... :) lolz. I've got that appointment with the bromford supported housing people on Tuesday, hopefully i will get a place, I'm hoping to have somewhere by Christmas but we all know that isn't going to happen. I'm thinking if the supported housing people can't find me a place i might try and beg someone to do the rent guarantor thingy and just start bidding on a place, surely i must be high priority what with being a mentally disabled single teenage mother... Hmm. It makes me laugh the my sponsored links on myspace are things such as "don't become another divorce statistic" and "you can save your relationship" As if I'd even want to. My only concern regarding the whole situation is... How do i afford a divorce? I can get legal aid when my income support comes through but i don't think that will cover the cost of a divorce. Damn, also, how do i pick a solicitor? I have no clue, but its better than staying married. Ooooh boredom. I've tidied up the bedroom now and now there is nothing at all for me to do, all day. I can't even be bothered to go out because of my lack of money, I'd like to but i think even if i had money i probably wouldn't because i am truly lazy today. I think I'd like to have a nice long bath, but its Bella's bath time soon so i will have to wait until after then. As if I'm actually tired. Ohhh I'm still ill and it makes me sad, i have a terrible terrible cough and i keep sneezing. It is not good i say, not good. Ohh I'm hungry, what do i want? I'm unsure i may have some toast. Last night i had so many things whizzing round in my head after I'd gone to bed that i decided i would like to write about in today's blog and I've woken up this morning well this afternoon with absolutely no recollection of any of the things i would have liked to write about at all. They were really cool and interesting deep things as well. The kinds of things i usually think about but today my mind is blank. Shame that. I think I'm going to go and make some toast and then maybe go outside for a cigarette and then i don't know what. Maybe someone interesting should come online and talk to me? Actually i think out of boredom I'm going to do a Christmas wish list thing using the new look, top shop, river island websites just out of boredom. The one thing i chose to do, the ONE thing and the new look website isn't working, well it is but its loading so slowly that it may aswel not be working. I guess i'll have to think of something more productive to do then. My brother is playing the strangest game on the PlayStation i have no clue what it is but he plays it rather often. It has an annoying little tune on it and that's pretty much all i know about it. I can't believe tomorrow it's December. Its getting so close to Christmas so quickly. Now don't get me wrong, I'm stupidly exited for Christmas, bar obviously when i was a small child I've not been this exited for Christmas before. It's going to be great spending it with a good friend and half of it with my beautiful son, its his first Christmas obvcourse I'm exited. but I'm also stupidly worried about Christmas being so close because as of yet i can't afford to live that alone by people presents. Unless no one minds a card made from a piece of a4 paper and a random black/blue Biro? Because it seems like that's all you're going to be getting. i couldn't even afford to buy my little sister a birthday present. Zoie's birthdays in a couple of days as well and at the moment i can't afford to get her a present either. I also can't afford to go out with her next Saturday unless my money comes in. I also can't afford to get Amber a present or go out with her on the 20th. Its a hard life lol. UKYP on the 4th, looking forward to it. I wonder if Robyn will come. I wish I'd gone to the youth center yesterday but i was far to ill in the morning and I'd had very little sleep so it just wouldn't of been the smartest of idea's. glad to hear you enjoyed your party though John. Lou, if you read this before you heck your myspace, as per usual then i shall leave you a message on here because you'll get it sooner... "Can i see you some time this week so i can borrow and test out your ID?" Ly all. I'm off to watch R.V with the family now. :)

19:16pm.
Lolz at that film. Robin Williams is the single most amazing man on the planet. TV on demand is broken and I'm desperate to watch Fridays eastenders so I'm truly sad now. I could actually cry, but i wont. I want Kirsty to come veira's with me but she's not phoned me back yet and is doing her moms hair/going to Jamie's nans :( I cba to go alone because i may die. Its been dark since like 2pm how shocking is that. Not that i was up at 2pm! lol. I only have 2 cigarettes bar the three that i drew on, i may have to smoke those three, but then i will get ink poisoning and die. :( that would not be good at all. Staying up till 12 today to check the bank even though by now i should know there is never going to be anything in there bar -£27. Sad times. For some totally unknown reason i keep checking my phone, like every 2 seconds, i have no reason to be checking it. I'm not expecting or waiting for a call or text at anyone and i already know the time, i don't know why I'm doing it i just can't seem to stop lol its like I'm not even deciding to do it I'm just doing it absent mindedly. How odd, and annoying to be honest. If my money comes in tonight I'm going out. Lets hope? We know it wont though. Damn. Kurtis wants me to do this college work haha, he wishes. Last time we were talking about his college work it was about computers helping the visually impaired and i had a big rant about how computers don't help the visually impaired any more than they help anyone else. I then realised i am visually impaired and computers are rather helpful. I shut up then. lmao. Dim or what? sometimes i act like such an idiot, i don't know why/how because I'm actually very intelligent, even if i can't spell. Damn, i just checked my phone, AGAIN! I'm off for a fag & to ring Kirsty. x :( She's still at Jamies nans. How rubbish. I'm going to bed I've decided, I've had this cold for like ever now. How upsetting. I can't even be bothered to stay up till 12 for the bank, i know nothing will be there. :(

23:16pm.
I ended up watching the telly instead of going to bed. I watched failure to launch and then csi. :) I've been thinking alot recently about how i wish things were simple like they used to be. But i realised, things were never simpler. Thinking back to a time that i now consider to be simpler at the time it was just as hard and just as complicated as things are now because as time goes on you just get more able to deal with harder and more complicated things. So things that were hard way back when seem simple now because now I'm better equipped to deal with harder things. It turns out, things never get easier, we just get better at dealing with things. So i guess, things will never get easier, but i know nothing will ever come at me that i won't be able to manage. Since I'm likely to be up at 12, I'll check the bank. But as i keep saying, we all know it'll be empty. You know what would really be nice, one of those big huge kind/spontaneous/romantic gestures that you see in films/sitcoms that never happen in real life except to stupidly lucky people who actually turn out to be crack heads with shit lives but you envy them anyway... Yeah, I'd like one of those please, for Christmas? If only i had someone to do it lol. Boo at my life. Oh well. I'll do it myself. I shall write "Jess i love you" in the clouds and then i will laugh at myself for being so retarded. Maybe i should just send myself a Christmas card, a little cheaper/simpler. After I've posted it i can whack myself on the head repeatedly until i forget sending it and then I'll feel happy and exited when an anonymous Christmas card for me turns up in the post. Lol yeah, dumb idea, never mind. I'm going to write nice cards this year. Instead of the simple "To *name here* *puts quote marks around the message already written inside* Love Jess xxx" I'm going to write proper messages. If i can be bothered. I hope i can, i think it will be nice. But if you get a Christmas card of me expecting a nice big deep and meaningful message and all you get is "love Jess xxx" I either don't like you enough to write something nice or i couldn't be bothered in which case i apologise and i love you all dearly. :)

I won't post the conversation but lol at the fact that i just said "you need not waste your pity on him" lollollol fag time then bank checking time. The bank, is empty. How fun. I knew it would be. But it really shouldn't be now. Its like the last day... :@ :'( I can't wait for the day i text everyone/write on here "money money money woooooooooooooooooooo i'm rich" But i'm afraid that day may never come. lol.

I've just read online that child tax credits wont be paid until child benefit is being paid and so far i haven't heard anything of the child benefit people. James has and they stopped paying the money into his account about two weeks ago but they still haven't paid any money into mine or written to me or called or anything. I can't for the life of me remember the date i claimed for all of these but i know it was all the same day. I'm pretty sure it was in october like the end of october and considering its the begining of december now surely this is a little ridiculous? I know its been at minimum 3 weeks and i'm pretty sure its been longer. Also the solihul peeps haven't gotten back to me about getting a copy of the wedding certificate so i can't change my name at the bank yet, still. Thats been fucking ages aswell. It was supposed to be a week but i haven't gotten around to ringing them yet. I'll get the number and do that tomorrow. I better be able to pick it up still i've lost the recipt now. It has been atleast 2 weeks longer than its supposed to i'm sure of it. But it could be me exadurating... erm. The day it snowed. That was when because me and Lou got caught in it in solihul and i had a mental breakdown and then i saw David (Kirsty's ex) on the bus and it was truly upsetting... I'm going to bed before i cry.

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