Monday, 17 November 2008

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop.

Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end; then stop. ~Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland

I'm not at the end just yet.

I've experienced alot of things that a person my age probably shouldn't of. I've done the right things for the wrong reasons, the wrong things for the right reasons and some things for no reason at all... But before you look at that and judge me stop and think, to err is human. If i told you that i hadn't learned from any of my mistakes, that might make me a bad person. If i told you that i no longer looked forward to the sun rising in the mornings, that might make me a bad person. If i told you that i could no longer find it in my heart to forgive even those who deserved forgiveness, that might make me a bad person. If i told you i walked around putting blind faith into everyone i met, that might make me a bad person. but none of those are true for me. With every mistake, i've learnt. With every sunrise, i smile. With everyone deserving, i forgive & i've been around long enough to know the only person you can ever really trust is yourself. I am a strong, confident, kind, caring & loving woman and i think that might just make me a good person. So how about you judge me on my current thoughts, actions, feelings and desicions, rather than the previous?

Okay so with this being my first blog i should probably explain my life up to here, I'm not going to bore you with my childhood or anything ridiculous like that, just the past year or so and probably a list of names so you know who is who, so here we go.

Justin = My son.
James = My husband (soon to be ex) & Justin's dad.
David = My younger brother.
Maegan = My younger sister.
Kirsty = My oldest friend.
Jamie = Her current boyfriend.
Ami = A best.
Zoie = A best.
Chloe = Her daughter.
Amber = A best from by London.
Achie/Lou/Loulabelle = The best best.
Keira = A best.
Kurtis = A best.
Mike = A best.
Sydney = A best.
Robyn = A new best.
Carly = A best.
Chad = Her boyfriend.
Cian-Jay = Their son.

Okay so.
When i was sixteen in August 2007 my mom asked me to leave hers so i moved into the hostel on Kingshurst way. Then in December 2007 i got pregnant. Me & James moved to Walsall together in February 2008. In March 2008 we decided it was a good idea to get married. Then on the 9th of September 2008 i had my beautiful baby boy. On the 16th October 2008 i left my husband because he was abusive & a cheat. I am currently staying with my dad, when i can & I'm waiting for the housing to sort me and my little boy out with a place to live. I'm also waiting for the job center and places of the sort to sort out giving me.

Child benefit, Child tax credits & Income support.

At the moment James sees Justin from 1pm Saturdays to 1pm Tuesdays, i hate not being with him all the time (Justin not James)
& that's pretty much it.

I miss my son, i hate not seeing him for three days out of the week. He's going to be ten weeks old when i see him next. Spent the day at my nans today looking at old pictures and videos of me as a kid. Its strange how no one ever thought my life would be the way it is now. Even this time last year, i didn't expect this. I don't know whether that was just me being naive or life changing in an odd and unexpected way. Either way i guess I'll never know. You know, things are a bit hard right now, but I'm truly glad for everything, and i thank everyone that has done we wrong recently, because i can cut you all out of my life as best i can, without feeling an ounce of guilt. More importantly i thank everyone that have been there for me, i don't like to need help, but sometimes i do, thank you for giving me that help/alcohol.

Is it too early in the year for new years resolutions? I'm not sure what my would be anyway, but they're on my mind tonight. Hmmm, what would i like the new year to bring, or more so what should i do in the new year to help me get what i want... I'm not going to give up smoking/drinking, that's just silly. I think maybe I'd like to try not to hold grudges? Not that I'm holding any at the moment really, everyone i don't like is pretty much out of my life, bar my husband (soon to be ex husband) but i know he never can be considering Justin is his son too. I have held some grudges throughout the year though so I'd like to try not to next year, you know?

I quite like the idea of this blogging thing so hopefully it will become a regular thing?

Comment if you read it. :)
I like to know I'm appreciated.

1 comment:

  1. Heya Jess
    Thanks for mentioning me
    How you feeling?
    Yeah we gotta go out sometime :)
    starbucks :)